More people of Google

It's always fun to see what Google searches bring people to my blog.  Sometimes I wonder if they find what they're looking for.  I've done it before.  But I like to respond to some of the google searches.

So, without further ado, the google searches are in bold.  My responses are everything else.

fat guy in white pants
I assume you were brought here by this story, in which my mission companion had to push in my gut while I tried to zip up the white pants in the Bismarck temple.  Worry not.  I'm still fat, but I have my own white pants that fit me just fine.

"road to hana" flowchart
I had to google this to try and guess what you might have been looking for.  As far as I can tell, there are no flowcharts about the road to Hana on the internet.  The good news is, because I love you, dear reader, I have made a flowchart to help you solve your problem of not being in Hana.

coworker took my wifes clothes
I can't say I've ever had that problem.  Although my wife's clothes did blow off once.  Perhaps you should ask your coworker if they would return your wife's clothes.  I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding.

caught in my wife's clothes
I can't say I've ever had that problem, either.  Although we have switched faces, so being caught in my wife's body might be worse.

What a terrible atrocity

man getting eaten by a pig
What's wrong with you?

odoyle42.blogspot.com
If you know the url to my blog, you don't have to google it, you can just type it in the address bar.

question mark on woman
Again, due to the exceptional service you've all gotten used to, I have created this image for you.  My wife has been question marked as well as the woman in the background.  In addition, the man in the background has been exclamation pointed.  That is service.

thoughts on striped shirts
I have nothing against them, but I usually wear shirts with one color, or with an amusing graphic.  The amusing graphic is usually related to something geeky, or to bacon.

trash cans disappearing tucson
The conspiracy is more widespread than I thought.  Perhaps the people in tucson have some answers for why my trash can is disappearing.

zen bamboo
You need to hike the Pipiwai trail on Maui.  You go through the bamboo forest, and it is amazing.  The trail is just past Hana.  Refer to the flowchart above to get to Hana.

Thanks for googling.  Keep searching for me and I'll keep responding

To the People of Google

Through Google Analytics I'm able to see all of the searches that lead people to my blog. Sometimes I think those searches are very interesting. Today I thought it would be fun to respond to some of the searches that have lead people to me. If you performed any of these searches, I hope that you feel the love in my response.

chocolate emergency instructions
Chocolate emergencies are no trivial matter. Though I wrote about Robyn's Chocolate Emergency, I didn't give specific instructions for how to deal with the situation. If your wife or someone you love is having a chocolate emergency, follow these instructions to the letter.
1. Give her chocolate
2. Give her more chocolate
3. Repeat as necessary

april 21st 2011 rise of machines
I have good news. John Connor must have prevented Judgment day because there was no rise of the machines on April 21st. There was also no rapture on May 21st. John Connor may have been involved in preventing that as well, but I'm not sure.

flowchart my breakfast
You must have been disappointed because there was no flowchart to help you know how to eat breakfast. I have good news though. I made a flowchart just for you. The best news is that you can use this flowchart for any meal. Enjoy.

how can i hire someone to rickroll
It's a two step process
1. Pay me money
2. Watch me send a link to rickroll

is ken jennings single

No, he has a wife, two kids and a dog.

low battery detector
Low battery detectors are hard to come by. The key is you have to realize that they are marketed as smoke detectors even though detecting low batteries is their primary function.

i say hardcore
That's a good word to say.

stories about garbage
Well, I did have one story about a garbage conspiracy. But since you're looking for more stories here's another:

Once upon a time there was a boy named Luke. He was trying to rescue a princess from a prison cell. He took his friends Han and Chewie, they got the princess from the cell and they blasted their way into a garbage chute. Once inside, they discovered an incredible smell. The End.

soap is the breakfeast of champions
It really is isn't it? I discovered that it's really good at cleaning you out all the way.

yummy

never violated the prime directive
If you've never violated the prime directive I'm very proud of you. My wife violates it all the time.

Thank you to the people of google.  Keep finding me through searches.  Maybe we'll do this again sometime.