Monday, May 23, 2011

I had a Beard and it Felt Weird

I wasn't planning to grow a beard. It kind of happened by accident, at least in the beginning. As you know, we recently moved to a new house. When you move, everything gets put into boxes and much of it disappears out of your life for several weeks (or months) until you get everything unpacked.

There are certain items that are important enough that you take special care to know where they are when you move, so that they can be immediately used the first night in the new home. Some of these items include toothbrushes, toothpaste, the electric razor etc. We put together a small bag of these items and set it aside to make sure that it wouldn't get lost. Our next step was to promptly lose that bag. I know that wasn't the best strategy, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Luckily, I had an unopened toothbrush in one of the boxes so things didn't get too yucky. But I was without a means to shave. We searched and searched and after about a week I concluded that we weren't going to find it.

But at that point, I had already passed the awkward part of the beard growing process. Beards are fascinating things. If you show up to work after 3 or 4 days without shaving, everyone thinks you look like a bum. If you show up after 3 or 4 weeks without shaving, you're awesome.

So since I'd already passed the hurdle of looking like a bum, I decided to press forward steadfastly. I've never really let a beard grow out fully, and I discovered something that I knew but had never realized. I can grow a full beard minus the Hitler mustache. The graphic below will help you better understand.

Woolly Mammoth - Hitler = Me

It's true, if you take a woolly mammoth and subtract Hitler from it, you get me. This picture is undeniable proof of that fact.  (And it's precious)

I let it grow out for a few weeks, but the weirdness of having hair on my face was too overwhelming.  (Okay, if I'm being honest, it did feel weird but the continual hints from my wife that she didn't like it were more overwhelming)

I decided to be done with the beard and I thought I might try a goatee for a while, but I decided I needed to get there progressively.  Here are a few of the steps for your viewing pleasure.
This was the first step.  I was going for wolverine sideburns.
Second step.  I trimmed the sideburns back. 
Final step: the goatee with no sideburns.
So that's what I look like now.  We'll see how long it takes me to get sick of it.


  1. I've had several people tell me they can't comment. I don't know why it lets me but no one else. Hopefully it will be fixed soon.

  2. My favorite parts: "Our next step was to promptly lose that bag. I know that wasn't the best strategy, but it seemed like a good idea at the time."

    "Woolly Mammoth - Hitler = Me."

    Hahahaha that's so hilarious. It's CRAZY seeing you with facial hair! I'd never even thought about the fact that I'd never seen you with it! (But I guess you hadn't either, so it's probably more weird for you.)

  3. P.S. As you can see, I can comment.

  4. Woolly Mammoth - Hitler REALLY DOES equal you. That's amazing!

    I like your beard. But my opinion is not nearly as important as Robyn's... or yours...

    And we'll see if this comment works... If you can read this, it worked.

  5. It looks like the commenting issue is fixed.

    Kayli, ya I've never really grown it out. At least not for this long. It just occurred to me that I've never seen you with facial hair either. Maybe give it a try.

    Jen, I'm glad you like it. I thought it looked cool but it's weird to have hair on my face. The goatee is less irritating so we'll see how I feel about it in a week or so.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. HAHAHA. No Jeff, I think we'll keep Kayli without facial hair for now. Woolly mammoth - Woolly mammoth = Kayli.

    P.S. I just know you're going to look back and see what I changed from the comment I deleted. Hahahhaha

  8. I thought the one you deleted was funnier. Woolly Mammoth - facial hair = Kayli. But i think both are true.

  9. Haha ya, but then that would imply that I had a super hairy body, which I DON'T! So that's why I changed it. Had to make sure you and your commenters know the truth.

  10. I'm glad you're a defender of truth.

  11. Yay, now I can comment! Well, I was not a fan of the stiff hair in my face (don't even say that you get my hair in your face all the time because mine is softer). I like the goatee better because I can still kiss your soft cheek yet you still look a bit like a roughen.

    (I hope my spelling isn't too awful)

  12. Plus, red beards are the coolest ever...not too many people can claim that their facial hair is a different color than their head hair. Such a phenomenon must be a manifestation of an impressive and magical gift.

  13. I think the goatee is a great compromise : ) It looks great! My husband also has the negative Hitler effect going on... so funny.

    And this post just made me realize how weird it must be for guys to have thick hair constantly growing out of the bottom half of their face. Us humans are so weird.

  14. Laura, Ya, it's totally weird. I'm like, "How does my hair know what color to be? How does it know if it should be head hair or face hair?" I don't get it but I'm pretty sure I have magical powers.

    April, humans are way weird. :)

  15. man, you look good in a beard! you also look good in a goatee. I do have to say, though, that the goatee makes you look like a drinking fellow. No wonder the waitress was shocked when you told her you don't drink.

  16. glarcy, you may be on to something. I suppose I can see the look of a drinking fellow.


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