The saga of the Novembeard

At the beginning of last month, I told you about the Novembald to Novembeard project.  In that post, I promised I would update you, so you could see how the beard went.

Well, they say a picture is worth 1,000 words.  What I have for you is a time lapse video that contains 30 pictures chronicling the growth of my beard throughout the month.  That means this video is worth 30,000 words.  That's like reading half a novel.  You should be proud of yourself, you're such a good little reader.

 Also, I have 2,000 more words for you.  When I shaved the beard I felt it was important to have some fun stages on the way.  I spent the entire day as an Amish person.

It was quite amusing.  We went to the store and the checkout girl was giving me a funny look, trying to figure out if I was for real.  So, naturally, I said, "I'm really excited about this canned food we're buying.  I've never had canned food before, what with being Amish and all."

That's when Robyn got really embarrassed and told the girl I wasn't really Amish.  Lame.

Then that evening I shaved it just a little more.

I call this one, "Brother Brigham".

But now I'm all shaved and I'm just regular.  I hope you enjoyed my 32,000+ words of goodness.

The BeardPocalypse

We all knew it had to come to an end eventually.  No beard lives forever.  You should have recognized the signs of the times.  When the beard was shaved down to a goatee, that was the beginning of the end.

The goatee had a good run of its own but, ultimately, my baby soft skin needed to be exposed to the world.

You know what was the last straw?  My mustache was getting long enough that I couldn't eat food without "saving some for later", as it were.  It was kind of grossing me out.  What's that you say?  I could have just trimmed it back?  Don't be ridiculous.  The whole point of growing facial hair is that you don't have to shave.  Trying to trim it back to an even length is way more effort than shaving.  Thus, shaving was the chosen answer.

But, once again, for your viewing pleasure, I shaved it gradually so that you could enjoy the process. It should be noted that I reached new heights of awesomeness in some of these pictures.

(By the way, if you want to see the process of going from full beard to goatee it is here)

Without further ado, here are the pictures of the beardpocalypse in action. (I know I stole the term "beardpocalyspe" from Conan O'Brien.  Deal with it.)

I started with the goatee again  It's grown out just a little since I last posted.

I shaved it down to this Fu Manchu business  Does it get more awesome?

I thinned out the handlebars and shaved the soul patch.  This may be the pinnacle of awesomeness.

Then just the regular mustache.  Some people can pull off the mustache.  I really can't.  I believe the term Robyn used was "gross".

This is the final status of my face.  I have returned to my native baby faced cuteness.  

Whenever someone I know shaves their face, I think their top lip looks weird.  Does my top lip look weird to you?  I think it looks weird.  But the weirdness is overwhelmed by the cuteness.

I had a Beard and it Felt Weird

I wasn't planning to grow a beard. It kind of happened by accident, at least in the beginning. As you know, we recently moved to a new house. When you move, everything gets put into boxes and much of it disappears out of your life for several weeks (or months) until you get everything unpacked.

There are certain items that are important enough that you take special care to know where they are when you move, so that they can be immediately used the first night in the new home. Some of these items include toothbrushes, toothpaste, the electric razor etc. We put together a small bag of these items and set it aside to make sure that it wouldn't get lost. Our next step was to promptly lose that bag. I know that wasn't the best strategy, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Luckily, I had an unopened toothbrush in one of the boxes so things didn't get too yucky. But I was without a means to shave. We searched and searched and after about a week I concluded that we weren't going to find it.

But at that point, I had already passed the awkward part of the beard growing process. Beards are fascinating things. If you show up to work after 3 or 4 days without shaving, everyone thinks you look like a bum. If you show up after 3 or 4 weeks without shaving, you're awesome.

So since I'd already passed the hurdle of looking like a bum, I decided to press forward steadfastly. I've never really let a beard grow out fully, and I discovered something that I knew but had never realized. I can grow a full beard minus the Hitler mustache. The graphic below will help you better understand.

Woolly Mammoth - Hitler = Me

It's true, if you take a woolly mammoth and subtract Hitler from it, you get me. This picture is undeniable proof of that fact.  (And it's precious)

I let it grow out for a few weeks, but the weirdness of having hair on my face was too overwhelming.  (Okay, if I'm being honest, it did feel weird but the continual hints from my wife that she didn't like it were more overwhelming)

I decided to be done with the beard and I thought I might try a goatee for a while, but I decided I needed to get there progressively.  Here are a few of the steps for your viewing pleasure.

This was the first step.  I was going for wolverine sideburns.

Second step.  I trimmed the sideburns back. 

Final step: the goatee with no sideburns.

So that's what I look like now.  We'll see how long it takes me to get sick of it.