Saturday, April 28, 2012

Questions That Need Answering

Sometimes in life there are questions.  Sometimes it's hard to find the answers.

Over the past couple months, every time one of those unanswerable questions has come to me, I wrote it down.  Now I have gathered them all in one place so that the good people of the internet can answer them for me.

Here goes:
  1. Why are they called red grapes when they are clearly purple?
  2. How does a razor remember to only cut hair off my face and not cut off skin as well?
  3. What if Deja Vu meant that you lost a life and restarted at the last checkpoint?
  4. What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
  5. Of all the utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with, how did two sticks win out?
  6. What is a zig-a-zig-ah and why do the spice girls want it so bad?
  7. If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
  8. When I look in the gym mirror at myself I think "that dude doesn't look happy." So why does the gym have mirrors? 
  9. When they have those restrooms that only one person fits in, why do they have a mens and womens?
  10. "Love is a battlefield." What does that even mean?
  11. Why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 while the buns come in packs of 8?
  12. Why do we cook bacon but bake cookies?
  13. Why is it that the yoke of an egg is delicious when uncooked, but if the white is uncooked I gag?
  14. Why do olives taste gross but olive oil is awesome?
  15. Why does hair grow fastest on my neck when clearly neck beards are gross?
  16. Why do they call it cupcake wars if no one ever throws cupcakes?
  17. Why is it that every person in front of me universally thinks that 30 mph is a good speed for getting on the freeway?

So, dear citizens of the internet.  I hope you can help me out by giving me some answers.  In exchange for your help I will let you look upon this awesomeness:

I googled "questions that need answering" and he came up.  The greatest question is: how did he get so awesome?  

Monday, April 16, 2012

Truly Awesome: Face Juggler

So yesterday right before church started I discovered an app for my iphone that completely changed my life. I discovered an app called face juggler. It can take any picture and automatically detect faces. After it detects the faces it swaps them. The results bring great happiness and joy to my heart.

Unfortunately, only moments after discovering it I had to go to church. So for the first 20 minutes of Sacrament meeting I was playing with my phone. I was grabbing random pictures from my library and juggling faces. After a few particularly hilarious ones I sat there and giggled for several minutes. Robyn asked me if I could be more reverent. I just shook my head. The hilarity was much too great. It should be noted, I did stop playing with it for the rest of church. It was a great sacrifice.

But don't worry, I will now share some of the greatest hits with you.

But before I begin, Robyn wanted me to mention that she thinks these pictures are horrible and she wishes I wouldn't have shared them.  (That disclaimer was required to get her permission to post these.)

This is the greatest atrocity known to man.  I love it.

Robyn and I are so precious at the bountiful temple.  Even with each other's faces.

This is me with my two brothers.  The funniest thing is that the middle is my brother Justin.  He has Zack's face but he looks completely normal.

A family picture from when I was younger.  Families that love each other share everything, even faces.

This awesomeness brought to you by my friends Jordan and Vanyssa.  I hope they are not offended that I desecrated this picture.

My friend Kayli sharing her face with Justin Bieber.

Jared W is my BFF.  We swap faces all the time.

My wedding day.  Jared and I swapped faces to see if my new bride would notice.

My sister Jen and I when we were little.  Both faces are precious, so it doesn't matter where they go.

The lighting didn't work as good on this one, but I like my sister with my mom's face.

Nauvoo is a crazy place.  You arrive with one face, you leave with another.

At a wedding in San Diego.  Face swapping was one of the wedding festivities.

This is my second favorite atrocity, brought to you by my friends Scott and Mary Anne.  I hope you guys aren't offended.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Forty Second Moniversary

Forty Two months ago today, I began the adventure of a lifetime.  I remember I started the day by making myself a huge breakfast.  (I knew I would be sitting through a lot of pictures and I was going to need my energy.)  After that I got dressed all snazzy like.  I drove over to the temple where I saw Robyn.

I had had a fairly laid back morning.  The wedding wasn't scheduled until noon so I had plenty of time to sleep in and enjoy a leisurely breakfast.  Robyn, on the other hand had been up since the dawn of time.  Apparently her hair takes longer to prepare than the 30 seconds mine takes.  She claims that it snowed on our wedding day, but no normal human was awake early enough to see a single flake.

We met with some temple workers to make sure we had the marriage license all taken care of as well as some other details.  After that we were able to go stand in the celestial room together while we waited for our friends and family to gather in the sealing room.  I have been to the temple many times.  Never have I had the celestial room entirely to myself.  But this day, Robyn and I were completely alone.  Even the temple worker that usually stands at the door left us.  I remember standing there with her, looking into the mirrors that go on forever, thinking that it would only be moments until we were husband and wife, together forever.

Eventually, everyone had gathered and it was our time.  We went into the sealing room where our family and closest friends had gathered.  We knelt across the altar from each other.  I was asked a very important question, to which I answered, "yes".  Robyn was asked the same question.  I remember the slight apprehension as I awaited her answer.  This was the moment of truth, if she was going to back out, now would be the time.  Of course, all of this went through my head in the split second before her answer.  She did give the correct answer, and before we knew it we were sealed together as a couple.
This is how precious we were coming out of the temple.

The rest of the day is a blur.  We had a delicious luncheon, an exciting reception and a fun drive to a cabin honeymoon getaway.

Immediately, marriage became an adventure.  It was the early days of this blog, and for our first year I recorded some of the interesting things in the adjustment to marriage, every moniversary (like an anniversary, but every month.)  One of the most exciting things I discovered, was that Robyn has a tendency to do very interesting things while sleeping.

Of course, today is an important day in history.  Though I stopped recording each moniversary, there have now been 42 of them.  And since 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything,  I thought I should commemorate this important day with a post.
42.  Ya, that's all this caption says.

Though it's been 42 months, Robyn hasn't changed her awesomeness.  Just last night, I was sleeping like a good lad.  Robyn reached over and started to scratch my arm.  I woke up just in time for her to transition her scratching into poking.  I asked her why she was poking me.  She simply answered, "I didn't know I was poking you."  Then she rolled over and went back to sleep.  The adventure continues.
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