The Curse of the Fat Man and the White Pants

Once upon a time I was a cute little LDS missionary serving in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Once a year we would have a special zone conference where all the zones in North Dakota would travel to Bismarck where the temple is and we would get to do a session after zone conference. It was really neat to be able to be there with our mission president and have him speak to us inside the temple. This was a big deal because Grand Forks is 270 miles from Bismarck so it's not like it's just a quick jump to get there.

Well, I had had a funky stain on my white pants and so I had sent them home to my mom. I commissioned her to either use her powers to get rid of the stain or just buy me some new pants and send them out. So I didn't have any white pants when we went to the temple. I didn't think it was a big deal. I was used to the big temples that have a rental room where you can go and rent any clothes you need. I had never been to one of the small temples before.

When I got there, I discovered to my dismay, that they don't rent clothes out. One of the workers (who was about my size but a little smaller) offered to lend me a pair of pants, which was very kind of him. I got into the dressing room and I couldn't quite get into them. I yelled to Elder Gessel, my companion, and he, being the saintly soul that he was, offered to help me. So he was pushing in my gut while I was trying to do up the top button on the pants. Through our cooperation and team work I was able to fit into the pants even though I couldn't walk very well. We ended up having a great temple experience.

Now fast forward to yesterday evening. When Robyn and I were engaged we went to the temple once a week. After getting married, our goal has been once a month, but we haven't been doing so hot on that. It's been several months since we have been there. But we did go last night.

I got into the dressing room and went to put on my white pants. This time these were my very own. I had worn them several months ago. But when I went to put them on I just couldn't do them up at the top. There wasn't even anyone I knew to yell to for help. I was on my own. Although there was a really tall guy in the stall next to me who must have been bewildered at the look on my face. (When I really concentrate on something my tongue starts going all over the place. And believe me, this took some concentration.) I was doing everything I could, sucking it in with all my might. Eventually I gave up. My pants have an extra button next to where you do them up. I did up that button instead so it was like an extender of sorts. I was able to wear them and have a good experience but it wasn't exactly what they were designed for.

So, I don't know what my deal is. I apparently can't wear white pants. But I have one month to lose about half an inch from my circumference in order to get back into those pants. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.