Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Curse of the Fat Man and the White Pants

Once upon a time I was a cute little LDS missionary serving in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Once a year we would have a special zone conference where all the zones in North Dakota would travel to Bismarck where the temple is and we would get to do a session after zone conference. It was really neat to be able to be there with our mission president and have him speak to us inside the temple. This was a big deal because Grand Forks is 270 miles from Bismarck so it's not like it's just a quick jump to get there.

Well, I had had a funky stain on my white pants and so I had sent them home to my mom. I commissioned her to either use her powers to get rid of the stain or just buy me some new pants and send them out. So I didn't have any white pants when we went to the temple. I didn't think it was a big deal. I was used to the big temples that have a rental room where you can go and rent any clothes you need. I had never been to one of the small temples before.

When I got there, I discovered to my dismay, that they don't rent clothes out. One of the workers (who was about my size but a little smaller) offered to lend me a pair of pants, which was very kind of him. I got into the dressing room and I couldn't quite get into them. I yelled to Elder Gessel, my companion, and he, being the saintly soul that he was, offered to help me. So he was pushing in my gut while I was trying to do up the top button on the pants. Through our cooperation and team work I was able to fit into the pants even though I couldn't walk very well. We ended up having a great temple experience.

Now fast forward to yesterday evening. When Robyn and I were engaged we went to the temple once a week. After getting married, our goal has been once a month, but we haven't been doing so hot on that. It's been several months since we have been there. But we did go last night.

I got into the dressing room and went to put on my white pants. This time these were my very own. I had worn them several months ago. But when I went to put them on I just couldn't do them up at the top. There wasn't even anyone I knew to yell to for help. I was on my own. Although there was a really tall guy in the stall next to me who must have been bewildered at the look on my face. (When I really concentrate on something my tongue starts going all over the place. And believe me, this took some concentration.) I was doing everything I could, sucking it in with all my might. Eventually I gave up. My pants have an extra button next to where you do them up. I did up that button instead so it was like an extender of sorts. I was able to wear them and have a good experience but it wasn't exactly what they were designed for.

So, I don't know what my deal is. I apparently can't wear white pants. But I have one month to lose about half an inch from my circumference in order to get back into those pants. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.


  1. It is ok. My zipper got stuck too. Maybe we need to play DDR more often!

  2. LOL I am so glad I read this story! Thanks for sharing! Gook luck with the half inch, I know you can do it!

  3. I'll race you for the half inch. I bet we can both make it. Loser does the dishes after Sunday dinner!! Deal?!

  4. Don't worry, it's not the white pants that make you look fat, it's your fat butt that makes you look fat. Keep up the good work.

  5. I like the DDR suggestion. Haha. That really is a great idea! Good luck! I believe you can do anything.

  6. I just want everyone to know, we went to the temple the other night and my pants zipped up without a problem. So I successfully accomplished my goal within a month. The key has been eating a good breakfast with lots of protein, doing frequent DDR and going to the gym at least once a week.


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