Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Dreaming of Tower Defense

So I had another strange dream.  I'm putting this one out there for interpretation as well.  Feel free to discover all my disorders and psychosis.

Warning, the following dream contains zombies.  Some people, like my wife, are offended by zombies.  Please do not read any further if this is the case.

(The screen goes wavy and when it comes back it is in black and white.  The dream sequence has begun.)
So I was in my house, and I suddenly became aware that we were under attack by zombies.  (You'd be surprised how often zombies appear in my dreams.  I'd be interested to know what that means.)  So I constructed a large gun turret on the top of my house.  Next, I built a maze leading to my house so that the zombies would have to wind through it to get to me.  My gun turret dominated all the zombies while they were winding through the maze.

After the wave of zombies was complete, there was a wave of terminators.  My gun turret continued to dominate the terminators.

(End dream sequence)  I woke up to find that my real life was actually not a tower defense game.  It turns out reality just doesn't make as good of a game.
But, I believe there are a few possible interpretations of this dream.

1. I'm being warned that I need to prepare for either A) The zombie apocalypse or B) The rise of the machines.  Luckily, putting a gun turret on top of my house helps with both scenarios.

2. I play too many tower defense games and read too much science fiction.  That one is clearly not true.

3. Someone is trying to do inception on me to get me to build a gun turret on my house.  This is the most likely scenario.

Whatever the real scenario is, the important thing is that Robyn and I have had the talk.  You know the one I'm talking about.  I know that every couple has the talk at some point.  We discussed what to do if one of us turns into a zombie.  Too many families don't have the talk, and the following chart is a result of being unprepared.
So be sure to be prepared.  Unless you think my dream means something else.  What is your opinion?

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Turns Out I'm Not Fancy

This year Robyn was selected as Teacher of the Year at her school. It makes perfect sense because she is more awesome then awesome. On a scale of 1 to awesome, she would be like awesome times 12.

So as a reward for her awesomeness she got a 50 dollar gift card to La Caille. For those of you who don't know what La Caille is, it is a super fancy french restaurant up the canyon near Sandy. I knew it was super fancy, so the fanciness of the restaurant didn't surprise me. The surprising thing that was revealed to me is that I am absolutely not fancy. (I don't know why that was surprising. I've never been fancy before.)

So first of all, we get there and there isn't a parking lot. You just pull up to the door and let the valet take your car. Then you walk in and sit down and they have a different menu for every course. We ordered our appetizers and I got a delicious portabello mushroom with various vegetables on top.
This was the first clue that I wasn't fancy.  I like food to be delicious.  In my mind, there's no reason to decorate food.  So I couldn't figure out why there was a tree growing out of it.  I ate around it for a while, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.  Eventually I just pulled it out, but I tried to hide it due to my shame that I didn't know what it was for.

The next clue that I wasn't fancy came when they brought us the menu for the main course.  Everything was ridiculously expensive.  I was commenting to Robyn about the prices, and how they were all written out in words.  She didn't see it anywhere so I showed her on my menu.  Apparently they have boy menus and girl menus, I'm not supposed to show her the prices.  Hmmm... guess I'm not fancy.

Of course, my favorite item on the menu was the lobster.  It didn't even list a price.  But financing is available if that makes you feel better.
Robyn got a delicious roast duck and I got a fabulous steak.  As we enjoyed our meal, another evidence of my lack of fanciness came about.  The couple at the table next to us was admiring a painting.  They talked to the waitress about it and she said they could buy it if they wanted.   They then sat and discussed for the next 20 or 30 minutes which home it would look best in.  I think they discussed more home possibilities then we could have even discussed for room possibilities in our house.

When dessert came, I ordered a delicious crepe.  It was quite delicious but I longed for the more delicious and less fancy crepe stands in Paris.  They also brought us these chocolate covered strawberries.  When I saw that the strawberries were dressed more fancy than me:  well, it was just another confirmation of the non fancy facts.

After dinner, we walked around the grounds.  It was very beautiful, we took this picture looking back at the restaurant.
As we walked back to the front of the restaurant to get our car from the valet, I naturally pulled out my phone so I could google how much to tip the valet.  We sat there waiting for the car to return.  We looked around at other cars, there were Lexus, Mercedes and all manner of fanciness.  The valet returned with our extremely fancy Hyundai.  I handed him his tip (a roll of ones that Robyn rolled up to look more fancy) and we drove off into the non fancy regular world.  We really enjoyed our walk through the fancy world that the other half lives in.

Perhaps one day we'll make lots of money and become fancy.  Maybe that day we'll go back and sit at a meal and discuss our different homes.  Maybe some regular couple will marvel at our fanciness.  But that is not this day.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Art I can Understand

I admit it, I don't understand art.  This lack of understanding spans all forms of art.  I don't seem to get paintings, poetry eludes me and dance is a true mystery.  Robyn really enjoys watching So You Think You Can Dance.  I watch it with her on occasion.  There was one particular time a little over a year ago when we were watching.  The judges on the show were crying, Robyn was crying and I was just confused.  I thought to myself, "They moved across the stage, why is everybody crying?"  I could move across the stage, and I think people would cry then too, but probably for a different reason.  I asked Robyn to explain the dance to me.  She said things like, "Look how he carries her across the stage, that symbolizes her fight with breast cancer and how she can't do it alone."  So it turns out there's some kind of secret code, that reveals these things to those who are in the know.  I'm cool with codes, if I can learn binary I can pick this one up too.

That's not to say I can't appreciate art.  I can think that a dance or a painting is pretty even if I don't understand the secret code.  But the art I really like is the kind that I do get the code.  There is some art that just makes sense.
The Kramer is one that just makes sense.  Look at Kramer, he's awesome.  That is what this piece says to me: "Awesome."
Or then there's a piece like this.  I saw this in the Louvre in Paris.  The guy's got a cleaver in his head, his skin is gray.  He's a zombie, I get it.  Robyn was offended that I took a picture of it, but who can't appreciate zombie art?

Well, why am I telling you about my art deficiencies?  This week I saw some art that had some real symbolism and I actually got it.  Not only did I get it, but it actually touched me.  So I thought I should share it with all of you.  Don't worry, I won't be offended if you don't get it, because the best part is the artist has a whole page that explains the symbolism, how cool is that?

Anyway, here are the two pieces.  (You'll have to follow the links to see them, the site wouldn't let me steal the images.)

The first is called the Forgotten Man.  The man in the center is every American.  Barack Obama stands triumphantly over the defeated constitution while FDR, Woodrow Wilson, Bill Clinton and others are applauding.  James Madison gestures to his beloved constitution while Lincoln, Washington, Reagan and Jefferson all gesture to the forgotten man, as his needs and the freedom of all Americans has been forgotten.

The second is called One Nation Under God.  The Savior stands holding the Constitution while many of those who believe in Him and in Freedom stand with him.  Those who stand against the Constitution are in the right hand corner, and dwelling in the dark where you can barely see him is Satan.  I think the imagery is so powerful.

It's not often that art moves me, so I had to share this with everyone.  Since I couldn't embed the images here is a video with some of the artists commentary about the Forgotten Man.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Chocolate Emergency

"Our world faces a true planetary emergency."
-Al Gore

For once in his life, Al Gore was correct.  He may not have known the nature of the emergency, but Robyn and I experienced it last night.

You see, in the nearly two years that I have been married I have learned something about the chemical makeup of females.  There is something in them that causes dire circumstances when they do not have chocolate.  It can come without warning.  One moment, they are fine, and the next they are approaching death.  Of course, I follow the boy scout motto which is "Be Prepared" so I always have an emergency stash in the house.  But what if the emergency comes when we are away from the house?

Well, Robert Baden-Powell, the founder of scouting, had this to say about preparation:
"Be Prepared... the meaning of the motto is that a scout must prepare himself by previous thinking out and practicing how to act on any accident or emergency so that he is never taken by surprise." 

I'll have you know, I was not taken by surprise.  I knew we didn't have time to go all the way home.  I took her to the grocery store on the way home.  We needed two kinds of chocolate.

A)We needed something to eat in the car on the way home to sustain her life.
This can be a very tricky thing to decide.

B)We also needed something more amazing to eat when we get home.
Robyn made an excellent choice.  This is why I don't mind chocolate emergencies.

Ahh.. Crisis averted.
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