I am a mean husband. I have a very important tradition. The problem is that my wife doesn't like this tradition. But, I love this tradition and so I demand of my wife that she be uncomfortable for around 45 seconds on an annual basis.
But there are aspects of the tradition that I don't make her participate in. I don't make her be at all involved in taking a yard that looks like this:
Remember when you were a kid and you would play nintendo? Remember how cool it was to find out cool cheat codes? Then you could kill all the bad guys, you were all powerful and the world was your play thing?
Ya, I remember those days too. There was one cheat code that was used in a number of games by the Konami company. It went like this:
So, October is a great month. Every station likes to play lots of scary movies to celebrate Halloween. In the past, this has meant that I stay up late every night in October watching whatever scary movie happens to be on. This year was a little different. With the acquisition of our DVR earlier this year, I was able to select which scary movies I wanted to watch at the beginning of the month and then watch them at my leisure. I watched them periodically throughout October and continued in my quest throughout November as well. I finally finished them all. Having watched a great many scary movies over the past 6 or 7 weeks, I have noticed a few patterns and some codes to live by if you're ever in a scary movie. I thought it might be nice to share some of these codes of conduct. Because I want you, dear reader, to be alive at the end of the movie.
1. Pay attention to warnings from little kids
There is always someone who knows what is going on before everyone else. This is often a little child but not always. This could also be your nerdy friend or someone who is crazy(by the way, that person usually isn't crazy, they've just been through this experience before and no one believes them.) Basically, the warning will come from someone who you see as a non credible source. If someone you see as non credible is giving you a warning. Heed the warning! Also, this is usually a good sign that you are now in a scary movie.
2. Never take shortcuts
If you're driving on a freeway and the map says it's shorter to take some random dirt road, don't do it. People in scary movies don't die on the freeway. (People in other kinds of movies do get in car accidents though, so always drive carefully.) The same applies even more on foot. Never take a shortcut through a forest or a dark alleyway.
3. Turn on the lights
I know you have a flashlight and you think that it gives you plenty of light. But you heard a scary sound in the basement. That means there could be something scary in the basement, and that scary thing is going to hide where you are not shining your flashlight. If you don't have lights in the basement, wait until morning and go down there and install some lights in the basement.
4. Put on some clothes
This one will hopefully be obvious. But, since it's a problem commonly manifest in movies I'll talk about it. If you hear a scary sound and you need to go investigate, it's okay to throw on some sweats and maybe a shirt. I know you like to sleep in that sexy nightie, but just put something over it when you go outside. This is for 3 reasons:
1. I know it's late at night but you could still run into some friends or something, how embarrassing.
2. Your odds of getting killed increase dramatically when you're just in your underwear.
3. If you are in a scary movie then all sorts of people are watching you in a theater. You should be more modest!
You don't have to get all dressed up for the prom or anything, just have some clothing on. In fact, I suggest even sleeping with clothing on. Robyn puts on one pair of sweats, 2 hoodies and 3 pairs of socks when she goes to bed. (Look for a future post about Robyn's bed attire, cause it's that good.) I have total confidence that she will survive if she has to check on a sound in the middle of the night.
5. Never be alone
Monsters and serial killers both prefer to kill you one by one. There is safety in numbers. The only time you're allowed to be alone is if you're the hero. If you know you are the hero you can venture off by yourself to take on the bad guys. But, even then, remember not to leave anyone else by themselves. You may eventually conquer the bad guys but the ones you leave alone won't be around at the end of the movie.
6. Be Likable
The most likable characters always survive until the end. If you tend to be a jerk, you're probably going to die. The hero will live as well, so you better either be the strongest person or the most likable. But, it's better to be fun and innocent then tough. Children tend to survive as well, because people like children and they are innocent. If you are not a child it helps to have a child. Rarely will both parents of a child die.
7. Shoot the bad guy again
I know you've just defeated the bad guy. He's laying limp and he looks dead. You want to kiss the girl/check on the child/say your clever closing lines. Remember, bad guys/monsters play dead very well. They are guaranteed to get up again. While he's playing dead go ahead and shoot him again.
8. Do some introspection
Is it possible you're not who you think you are? Do none of the other characters interact with you? You might be a ghost. Think back: Have you ever died? If the answer is yes, odds are you're a ghost, although there's a chance you could be a zombie or a vampire.
Does bad stuff happen when you're not around? Especially inside your house with no signs of breaking and entering? Do you seem to lose track of time? You could be the culprit, or at least one of your multiple personalities, especially if you recently had a traumatic experience. Or, if it only happens once a month that you have unaccounted for time when bad things happen you could be a werewolf.
9. Stay out of scary movies
The best way to survive a scary movie is to not be in one. The best way to do that is to be in other kinds of movies. Some examples are: you could be in a crime movie by committing a crime, or you could be in an action movie by being a super hero. But those both have their drawbacks. My personal preference is to be in a comedy. If you're always funny you can't be in a scary movie. One warning to this approach: Do not be funny by making fun of someone else's fears. If you are doing that, not only are you already in a scary movie but the very thing you are mocking is guaranteed to kill you.
I hope that you'll take these few tips to heart and I hope that you'll survive all future movies you happen to be in.
When I started at my work, there were four of us at the company. We started in a small office building and expanded to the basement of that building. We eventually rented half of the adjacent building and then expanded to all of the adjacent building. Even with having two seperate buildings we have slowly expanded to the point where everyone was sharing offices and parking had just gotten ridiculous. So we took a giant leap forward and moved to a new building about 2 weeks ago. The new building has 6 bathrooms, and even has 2 showers! (So I could live at work if I needed to.) The super nice thing is that there are plenty of offices so no one has to share anymore. Since I have my own office now, I thought I'd try to do some decorating that would help portray my personality. Here are a few pictures of my new setup.
So those of you who know me well, know that I enjoy arguing. I try to curb this desire due to the fact that it's not considered polite to argue with people. It's not that I'm a disagreeable person. But, I really enjoy thinking logically and trying to present an idea in a logical format. I also enjoy hearing views that are opposed to mine because it helps me broaden my world view.
Well, I have discovered an excellent outlet for this desire. That is the internet. There are various forums throughout the internet where people post their thoughts and feelings on any number of subjects. So, I enjoy posting in response to what they say and either presenting more evidence for why I agree or presenting an opposing view to theirs. This hobby of mine has lead to several different times where the scenario pictured below has played out.
Today is an important day in history. Fifty Four years ago today, on November 5, 1955 a very important event happened that will change the course of human history. You see, Doctor Emmett Brown was standing on a toilet trying to hang a clock on the wall when he slipped and fell and hit his head on the bathroom sink. Before he came to, he received a revelation where he thought of this:
