Saturday, October 2, 2010

A More Correct Way

A while back I wrote about my obsessive compulsive disorders.  In a recent conversation with a coworker, I discovered there is something else that I am obsessive compulsive about that I failed to mention in my previous post.  You see, there is a very specific way that is the only correct way to eat Frosted Mini Wheats.  I only bring this up because it is so important.  There may be people out there who are doing it incorrectly.  I consider this blog post to be somewhat of a public service announcement.

First, it's important to note that although Frosted Mini Wheats are delicious, Frosted Mini Spooners from Malt-O-Meal are actually more delicious.

Second, it's important to put in enough milk to submerge the bottom mini spooners but not fill the whole bowl.  Too much milk will cause some of the little guys to get soggy.  Not enough will not allow them to get properly soft.

The next step is the most important.  This is where my coworker (Let's call him Ben, since that's his name) disagreed with me.  It's very important that you eat the spooners that are submerged in the milk first.  (otherwise they could go soggy)  As you select each one, you must turn it so that the frosted side is down before you scoop it up in your spoon.  This has a dual purpose.  First, it makes sure that the frosting gets submerged fully in the milk, so that you can achieve desired softness.  Second, when you place it in your mouth the softened frosting is laying directly on your tongue.  This maximizes the joy that you will feel. Of course, other spooners will then fall in the milk to replace the ones you eat.  This is the desired result.

Ben disagreed.  He felt that the frosting side should always be up.  He is a believer in a crunchier frosting.  Ben's usually a pretty smart guy.  I figured if he had gone astray on this issue, there might be others out there with this same problem.  That's why I share this wisdom with you.

The final step is that you may need to pour more milk in, since you didn't fill the bowl fully.  Don't be concerned by this.  You'll generally need to pour one more time.  It may take some time to learn how to do your second pouring such that it lasts all the way to the end but doesn't leave any leftover.

In order to facilitate the world eating Mini Wheats/Spooners properly, my brilliant mind created a fabulous idea.  (Ben may want to interject that this brilliant invention was his idea, but I think he would realize that it was his exposure to my brilliant mind that allowed him to come up with the idea.)  What if there was a contraption that you could put milk and Mini Spooners into and it would serve up each one properly softened by milk, but it could store them seperate so as to never allow sogginess.

Whoever among you wishes to implement this idea, I will accept your donation of one million dollars even though the idea is worth much more.


  1. I would like to donate one million dollars to this. However, I just put the Mini Spooners in and pour milk over it. I wonder if you would cringe to watch me eat it so carelessly. Haha. I have many things I'm obsessive about, but this definitely isn't one of them!

  2. I wouldn't say that you need a contraption that will do this for you. I think there should be an "AP for that." (the job has now become yours to create.)

  3. Very nice! I don't think I have actually noticed how carefully you eat your cereal. I am sorry to say that I am just as careless as Kayli. Though I do think you are right about the frosting side down. It just tastes better that way.

  4. You forgot the most important part. Once the morsel is in your month and since it has been correctly soaked in milk, you squish it with your tongue against the roof of your mouth. At the same time you suck out the milk. The colder the milk the better. This is a more extended enjoyment pattern since it lasts from placing it on your tongue to the swallow.

  5. I knew we were kindred spirits! I eat my mini wheats the same way! And it is essential that the frosting side be down!

  6. I believe the even more excellent way would be to eat plain shredded wheat. What can I say, I am a naturalist.

  7. I feel as though I must interject. With all due respect and courtesy, I submit to you that face-up, cruncy, firm, undaunting frosting is better. And second, yes, I am usually quite taken aback by the genius that eminates from your being Jeff. However, this is one sad case in which a well-formed idea was taken by it's true creator...let's call his name Ben. But because I respect you so much Jeff, we will just let this one slide...for a price...No, not a million dollars...rather that this coworker not be embarrassed anymore...I think you know what I mean...


  8. Sorry to say, but I side with Ben. The frosting must face up, otherwise it comes off while it sits in the milk and you have to eat bare wheat!

  9. I am so sorry but I can not relate to this brilliantness. The problem is I don't really like mini-wheats or mini-spooners or most kinds of cereals.

  10. You and Ben are both wrong.

    Frosted Mini Wheats must have milk poured on them, then sit for at least 3 minutes while they get a little soft.

    Then you must smother them with 3-4 spoonfuls of sugar to make up for the un-frosted sides.

    Then, and only then, can you begin eating.

    If you find a non-soft mini-wheat? Put it back in the milk and try another.

    Jeff, in the future you'll see the wisdom in this.

    Respectfully yours,

    Jeff Stone


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