Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Soap: The Breakfast of Champions

I'll tell you this:  When I woke up this morning I wasn't planning to eat soap for breakfast.  You don't really plan on things like that.  To understand how it happened let me take you deep into the past, into the wee hours of this morning.

I was sleeping peacefully, a joyful look of bliss on my face.  Robyn woke me up to tell me she was leaving for school and give me a goodbye kiss.   I'm not really sure what she said to me.  As is generally the case in the mornings, I was only aware that she was saying too many words for me to understand.

She left and I drifted back into the safety of sleep.  The next thing I knew the alarm went off, abruptly jerking me into our rough, cold world.  (I generally try to get up before the alarm goes off, Robyn's kisses are much more gentle than the cruel alarm.)

In my semi coherent state I stumbled into the kitchen to make my normal breakfast of scrambled eggs.  Robyn had cooked some hamburger last night so I put a little dish soap in the frying pan and grabbed a sponge and washed the pan.  After washing it, I rinsed it.  Apparently when you're not entirely coherent you're also not entirely efficient either, it's possible my rinsing was less effective.

I cracked my eggs and let them cook.  After I finished cooking them I sat down to eat.  I took a few bites and realized that something was very wrong.  The eggs just didn't taste good.  I thought to myself, "Perhaps they just need more salt" (Salt is awesome, it makes everything taste better.)  I salted them and still there was something very wrong.

At this point I was still eating, even though it was gross.  You see, sometimes you just have to go through hard times to figure it out.  After a few more minutes my brain finally achieved full consciousness and in that very moment it came up with the answer.  "These eggs taste like soap."  I looked over to the sink where the bottle of dish soap was still sitting.  I had cooked my eggs in a pan that had not been totally rinsed from the soap.  I realized with horror what I had been eating.  Then I took one more bite just to be sure. (I sacrifice myself for science.)

When you were a kid did you ever get your mouth washed out with soap?  Well, any bad things I might have said are definitely washed away now.  Also, judging by how the day has gone so far, I think all my insides are cleaned out pretty good too.  Maybe this is what is meant by "clean hands and a pure heart."

On second thought: No, that's not what it means.


  1. Well, at least now I can't tell the Bishop that you have a potty mouth. I guess you will just have to be ok with getting a calling with your "pure heart".

  2. I realize that you are trying your hardest to obey the word of wisdom but you know there are other ways to get a little bubbly without taking in soap.

  3. I think I'll have Robyn cook for me next time I come over, as much as I love your cooking. At least your mouth is so clean now...

  4. the best part of this story... is that you kept eating it... which I do too. (I think this milk is sour, but maybe not, maybe I need to eat another bite, I'll just finish the cereal... and then throw the milk away...)

  5. Looove the photo.
    I never had my mouth washed out with soap, but my cousin did when I was at his was a miserable experience even for me!

  6. Robyn, you can still tell the Bishop I have a potty mouth. It was never intended to be true, just intended to avoid scary callings.

    Cameron, that is information I could have used before I ingested soap.

    Jared, I agree. Robyn's cooking is better than mine.

    Jen, I totally do that. We'll have leftovers that have been in the fridge a long time. I'll eat a meal of them and then throw them away.

    Kayli, I'm glad you like my photo. That means a lot coming from you since you're such a photography guru.

  7. I can't believe the salt didn't work?!

  8. I know. Salt is amazing. I don't know how it didn't solve this problem.

  9. HAHAHA> That totalyl sucks. I've been there///only with a glass of water. Nevermind all my poor punctuation and grammar. I'm tired.

  10. I had a teacher once that washed a kids mouth out with soap. I think if I tried it today I would get in serious trouble but I have been tempted.


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