Eight Year Old Me Would be So Proud

Have you ever had one of those things that you yearned for your entire life?  I sort of had something like that.  You see, 25 years ago I yearned for something, and then I completely forgot about it, until a few days ago.

When I was eight years old, my favorite toys were battle beasts.  If you're not familiar with them, they are little action figures that look like animals wearing armor.  (Basically, they are the best thing that could possibly happen to an eight year old boy.)  My brothers and I would have battles with them.  My brother had the spider battle beast who would always attack the castle filled with all mine.  Even though I had a good collection, there was one in particular I yearned for.  It was a gorilla that had a robotic arm.  A gorilla with a robotic arm!!  How cool is that?

I told my mom that's what I wanted for my birthday.  I laid awake at night thinking how great my life would be, if I could just have a gorilla with a robotic arm.  My birthday came around.  I waited excitedly to open my presents.  I just knew I would get the battle beast I wanted.  Then my mom gave me the bad news.  They stopped making battle beasts.  I was never going to have my gorilla with a robotic arm.

Fast forward 25 years.  My mom was cleaning her basement, and she found a few of my battle beasts.  She asked me if I wanted them.  Of course I did!

These are the 5 that my mom retrieved from the ancient past.

I took them home.  I thought of the many happy moments we had together.  

Then I started thinking about how I was missing so many that I used to have.  I thought it would be fun to restore my former collection.  I did a little search on ebay for battle beasts.

While I was browsing the listings, I found this.

The very beast that I dreamed of as a child.

It turns out it's actually an orangutan.  But it was only $7.00.  How could I not buy it?

So, though I didn't remember that I had this dream, it was eventually realized anyway.  Someone should tell eight year old me that dreams do come true.

Also, special thanks to my wife for being okay with the fact that I suddenly have a hunger to own all of them.

My collection is growing, and they've claimed the cube as their territory.

The Spiderman Conundrum

It would seem my life is filled with mystery.  I still haven't figured out who loves my garbage.  And, while that mystery kind of creeps me out, this one has its own element of creepiness.

So here's the story.  I mow my line every Saturday.  I'm addicted to the ooohs and aaaahs my wife gives me when she sees the freshly cut grass.  (I've never done any sort of drugs, so I have to seek highs in other ways).

Every week before I mow the lawn I do a quick walk through and pick up any random garbage that has blown into the yard, or any items we may have left on the grass.  This week I found a particularly unique item.  See below:

I should note that while the above picture features Spider man on my kitchen table, he was not actually found on my kitchen table.  But that would greatly increase the creepiness.

So you're thinking to yourself, "What's so creepy about Spiderman?  Is it his radioactive blood?  Is it that he catches thieves just like flies?"

Those are excellent guesses, and if you were in my primary class at church I would totally find a way to spin it so that your guesses could be correct.  However, this isn't primary and you're not 3 years old.  So I'll just tell you straight, your guesses are wrong.

Think about how Spiderman arrived in the yard.  I can't think of an explanation for his arrival that isn't creepy.  Here's the scenario I've come up with.

Scene 1:  Two children are playing with their toys.
Child 1:  Look at my cool Spiderman toy, he's got radioactive blood.
Child 2:  That is really cool!  Especially since you're only 4 and you said "radioactive".
Child 1:   I know, right?
Child 2:  You know what we should do?  We should play with your Spiderman toy in the Stockett's backyard.
Child 1:  Why?
Child 2:  Because mysteriously lurking on other people's property is fun.  Plus they only have a fence on 2 sides of their yard so it should be easy to sneek around back.
Child 1:  That sounds like an incredible plan.

Scene 2: In my backyard
Child 1:  Look at my toy now.  He does whatever a spider can.
Child 2:  Quite phenomenal if I do say so myself.
Child 1:  Oh no!  The Stocketts are coming home.  Let's get out of here.
Child 2:  What about Spiderman?  Aren't you bringing him?
Child 1:  There's no time.  He'll have to save himself.

So, that's pretty much the only possible explanation for the appearance of Spiderman.  If your children are creepily playing with action figures in my backyard, tell them I appreciate the donation.  It's much better than stealing my garbage.