The Worst Thing that Could Ever Happen

You know those things that you see happen to other people where you're super sad for them but a part of you is secretly glad that it didn't happen to you?  You know how another part of you quietly acknowledges that at some point it's going to be you that has the bad thing happen?

Well, it finally came around to me.  The worst thing that could ever happen actually happened.

I completely shattered the screen of my brand new iPhone.

I know.  I shouldn't have just dropped a bomb on you like that.  I'll give you a moment to gather yourself together.  Take a moment.  Think happy thoughts.  Take a deep breath.  

Are you okay?  

So here's how it happened.  I was getting ready for my morning walk.  I was all decked out with my 2 jackets, my gloves and my hat.  I was ready to brave the early morning Utah cold and get in some good exercise.  I walked out the front door, pulled my phone out of my pocket to start Runkeeper, and suddenly the phone leaped from my fingers.  

It was sort of like in The Lord of the Rings when the ring betrays Isildur and jumps off of his finger.  (If you don't understand that reference, go sit in the corner and read one of the greatest works of literature ever written, and I'd like a 500 word essay about Isildur's Bane on my desk tomorrow morning.)

The phone fell from my fingers, fell beyond my feet on to the top stair, then for good measure it bounced once and hit the ground again.  You know how in movies when something like that happens the protagonist yells, "Noooooo!" in slow motion and everything slows down as you see it hit the ground?  Well, it totally didn't happen like that because in real life time doesn't slow down.  But I did say, "Oh no!".

It landed upside down so I couldn't see whether it was damaged.  I've dropped it many times before.  (That's how I roll.)  So I thought (hoped) it might have remained safe from destruction.  I picked it up and looked at it, and it looked like this.

My heart filled with sadness.  I thought of how sad I would be to have to look at those cracks for 2 years until I'm ready to upgrade to a new phone.  

I contacted the Apple Store.  It turns out that they have a magical alchemy that allows them to convert money into uncracked glass.  I made an appointment, gave them $109 (I know, it's expensive but it's better than the ten billion it would cost to buy a new phone) and let them perform their wizardry.

I was a happy boy.

I have to tell you, handing over my phone was a bit unnerving.  The Apple Store guy was verifying my contact information before I handed it over.  I wanted to explain to him that there will be no way to contact me.  I'm about to go dark for an hour while you fix this.  

It turned out I completely survived without my phone for a full hour.  

Pro tip:  Next time, I'll bring my Kindle.

I have an iPhone 5

I now own an iPhone 5.  It's been with me a little over a week.  It has brought me great joy and happiness.  The thing I find most surprising is that I've been able to live 31 years without owning an iPhone 5.  But, luckily, I survived, and I no longer have to rough it in a world where I lack an iPhone 5.  (I'm still roughing it in a world where I don't own Google glasses, and I haven't seen The Hobbit Movie, but those are issues that I'm still trying to deal with.)

I got up at 3 AM the morning it went on sale for preorder.  It went on sale at 1 AM, but by 3 when I ordered it, it was already on back order.  I only got it a week after everyone else, so I didn't die.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Jeff, you already had an iPhone.  What is your deal?  Why do you need to get up at 3 for a new one?  Also, how do you feel about The Hobbit movie being a trilogy?"

Well, thanks for asking about The Hobbit.  I'm a little concerned that there isn't enough material for 3 movies, but I trust Peter Jackson to make it awesome.  As for the iPhone, there are a few important things you need to know.

1. My iPhone 4 didn't have Siri.  Siri is one of my new loves.  (She falls right behind Robyn and bacon.)
2. I can sell my old iPhone for about what it cost to buy a new iPhone (since they are cheaper when you renew a contract.)  So why would I not upgrade?
3. My wife has an iPhone 4s.  I feel sad when her phone is fancier than mine.  This issue is now remedied.
4. Look how happy I look with my new phone.

If you want to know how that happiness came to be, here is my experience opening the box.