Thursday, August 21, 2014

Teacher Husband Duties

I'm married to a teacher.

Being married to her is pretty fabulous.  Of course, I think that's because she's fabulous, and not necessarily because she's a teacher.

However, I certainly do not mind being married to a teacher.  Even though it does come with its own share of duties.

I will admit that there are not very many teacher husband duties.  One is simple.  She gives the kids folders every year to keep all of their stuff in.  The folders are laminated, and I cut them out of the giant strip of laminated plastic.  That's a fairly easy duty.

This is an action shot of me cutting out the folders.  Don't you feel like you're there?

Another duty is that once a year I come meet the kids.  On the day that I come, Robyn tells the kids that if they're really good they get to meet Mr. Stockett.  (I'm still offended that they call me Mister.  I don't feel old enough to be a Mister.)  The kids are super quiet and super obedient that day.  Then when I come in, a hush falls over the room and a few of them give each other awed whispers, "It's Mr. Stockett."  "It's really him."  My presence is such a treat for them that it provides great motivation.  That's a fairly easy duty.

When they're good, she writes a letter.  When they're bad, she erases one.  When it spells "Mr. Stockett", then they receive the greatest treat of their lives.

There's one duty I really don't like.  I get sick at the end of August every year.  Robyn goes to school at the beginning of the year and each year there is a whole new assortment of diseases.  She brings them all home, and I select one or two that I will internalize that year.  I hate that duty.

"Look what followed me home from school today."

This year, on the morning of the first day of school, I woke up with a sore throat.  Robyn claims that I can't blame this one on her because her students haven't started school yet.

However, I still feel it is her fault.  Here are my counter arguments.

1.  She's been going to the school for over a week to get her classroom all set up.  Clearly the school is a place filled with disease.

2.  She's already met several of her students.  They may not have attended class, but they've come to meet their teacher and introduce her to some biological warfare that they brewed up over the summer.

Some of you are going to say that getting sick at the same time every year may actually be allergies.  I have 2 arguments to address that.

1.  I didn't have an annual illness before I was married.  However, I have gotten sick at the beginning of every school year without fail since marrying Robyn.  I recognize that it's possible to develop allergies later in life, but that just seems a bit of a coincidence doesn't it?

2.  My annual illness doesn't have consistent symptoms.  This year, I have a runny nose and sore throat.  This year's symptoms could possibly be allergies.  However, other years have included throwing up and other even less palatable symptoms that are typically not associated with allergies.

As you can see, my case is solid.  Clearly, I still blame the students.  Nothing will deter me.

It's totally their fault.  Right?

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