Friday, August 8, 2014

Biking with Bugs

I may or may not have mentioned that I'm into biking now.  Have you heard me say something along those lines?  Well, if not, I'll just clear the air right now.  I'm a biker.  I bike.

I love riding to work in the mornings.  My favorite part of the ride is the 2 mile stretch where I ride along the shore of Utah Lake.  I see all sorts of birds, I've seen deer.  I've seen raccoons.  The wildlife is quite abundant.  However, there is one form of life that hangs out next to the lake that you might say I enjoy slightly less.

There are huge swarms of bugs that hang out right next to the lake.  The good news is that they're not mosquitoes.  The bad news is that they're still bugs, and they swarm in incredible numbers.

I'm always riding along, enjoying the scenery, when I notice a swarm in front of me.  Of course I ride through the swarm because there's no other option.  At first it's kind of cool.  It's as if I'm the star ship Enterprise flying through the galaxy with the stars blowing past me.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, here is a visual representation.
However, the analogy to being a star ship only goes so far.  Obviously there are minor differences such as the fact that I'm not in space.  But the major difference that I've noticed is that stars never hit the Enterprise in the face.  They always have little ensigns as the ones driving the ship, but apparently they are better pilots than me, because I get a face full of bugs.

In addition to being a bad pilot, it turns out I'm a bad strategist as well.  My strategy thus far has been to duck my head down as I plunge into the swarm.  This does well in keeping the bugs out of the various orifices in my face, including eyes, mouth and nose, (I really wanted to say eyes, ears, mouth and nose so that you would think of the children's song, but I've never had a problem with them getting in my ears so I felt that would be dishonest.) but it causes something else quite horrible.

You see, my helmet has lots of holes in it that allow air to flow and make me a happy boy most of the time.  But those very same holes make it so that my helmet also serves quite well as a bug trap.  As I ride through the swarm, the holes funnel all the bugs into my head.  Then the bugs are unable to escape and I can feel them crawling all over my scalp.  I usually don't have a huge problem with bugs, but the swarm hanging out on my head really creeps me out.

I snapped a pic of this guy on the inside of my helmet when I took it off.
So that's the story of the way bugs ruined my dream of being a star ship.  It doesn't really have any sort of a moral to the story, except that I think I'm hardcore and that I've endured great hardship.  So if you could, go ahead and think I'm hardcore for enduring bugs to the face and to the scalp.  Thanks.  It's much appreciated.

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