Friday, November 4, 2011

The Toothpaste Miracle

Life is filled with small miracles.  Toothpaste tubes are one example.

You probably don't agree.  You probably think I'm crazy.  You're probably right.  But all I know is that I have witnessed the toothpaste miracle many times throughout my life.  You probably have too.  You just don't realize it.

Let me tell you my story and then you'll understand.

It all started when I laid down in my bed before brushing my teeth at night.  We all know how powerful the bed is when you're sleepy.  Once you're laying down it is nearly impossible to get up again.  But there is another force almost equally as powerful.  That force is the clean, satisfied feeling you get when you lay in bed after having brushed your teeth.  I think my dilemma is probably clear.  I didn't want to get out of bed, but I didn't want to go to sleep without brushing my teeth.

This is when I started using persuasive tactics to convince Robyn that she should brush my teeth.  I started explaining how I clearly couldn't do it myself.  I tried to help her understand that it would be such a terrible tragedy if I had to get out of bed.  To my surprise, she agreed to brush my teeth.  She grabbed my tube (We have separate toothpaste, for marital harmony.  Also because she uses a special toothpaste for sensitive teeth.  But mostly for marital harmony.  We can both squeeze it from wherever we like.) She exclaimed, "You don't have any toothpaste left."

This is what she was looking at:
You see, it looks like it's been squeezed to the max.  But the toothpaste miracle is that you can always squeeze out enough to brush your teeth just one more time.  It's looked like this for at least a month.  I'm pretty sure I can go a few more weeks before I throw it away.  Even when I throw it away I will know in my heart that I could have gone one more time, if I'd just squeezed it a little harder.

So I explained the miracle to Robyn.  She gave it a good squeeze and then proceeded to come at me with a loaded toothbrush.  At this point I had many regrets.  I regretted making the request that she brush my teeth.  I also regretted explaining the toothpaste miracle to her.  I expressed my regrets and told her I would brush my own teeth.  She said it was too late, I had sealed my fate.

What happened next was right out of an action movie.  You know how there's always the bad guy with a knife and the hero has to hold the villain's arm so that he doesn't get stabbed while he struggles to disarm his foe?  That's what happened, only the knife was a toothbrush, I was the hero and Robyn was the villain.  I successfully disarmed her (or debrushed her) and she went away grumbling something about how she was only trying to help.

Then, with great effort, I got out of bed and went to the sink to brush my teeth.  At least I didn't have to squeeze the toothpaste tube.  But, don't worry.  There will always be enough for one more time.


  1. I so could have brushed your teeth if I had wanted to brush them. I just didn't like the threat of drooling all over my pillow. Next time I just won't help!


    I totally know what you mean. There's always enough for one more squeeze...and then one more squeeze...and then one more...

  3. I am sorry it had to come to a hero villain situation. You could have called in the swat team to help. We have a toothpaste tube war to see who will be the one to quit trying to get any more out and go get another tube of toothpaste out of the cupboard in the hall. Sometimes it just about breaks my fingers trying to squeeze a little more, but I like to win!

  4. i just threw away a toothpaste tube. I think it had been almost empty for over a month. But it was finally done. There were no more miracles left.

  5. If you don't want Robyn brushing your teeth, then don't ask her to do it...

    And I have gotten to where I couldn't squeeze any more out. I've even cut it open once... just to be sure...

  6. I thought I wanted her to do it, until she actually agreed to it. Then I realized how awkward it truly was.

  7. Scott and I also have separate tubes of tooth paste for marital harmony.

  8. I've been relying on the toothpaste miracle for about a month now. Every night I feel like it'll be the last day, but in reality I think I have a couple weeks of paste still left.


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