Friday, August 5, 2011

What's the Deal with Dentists?

So I had a toothache. I went to the dentist. Now my whole mouth hurts. This got me really thinking. What is the deal with dentists? I went to the dentist to solve the problem of my tooth hurting. In exchange for solving this problem, I gave them a boat load of money. In exchange for the boat load of money the dentist solved my problem of pain by giving me significantly more pain.

Most of you may be thinking, "What's the big deal? Why are you so confused? That's how the dentist works." Well, let me use an analogy. Let's say that I had a problem where I was running out of food at my house. So I went to the grocery store and gave lots of money, and in exchange they removed the last little bit of food from my house.

Let's say my car was broken down so I had it towed in to a mechanic. I gave them lots of money and in exchange they bashed my windshield in.

Do you see how any other profession it's just not cool to make the problem worse? So I ask again, what's the deal with dentists?
Dentists also have a very strange habit.  They always seem to want to fill your mouth with strange instruments of torture and then make conversation.  You would think they would be aware that your mouth is filled with inhuman implements of pain, but apparently they're not.  It usually goes something like this:
"So what do you do for a living?"
"Ngh mbnub gnu"

"Do you like cheese?"
"mghu fhlg gnuhg"

"In 1000 words or less describe your favorite novel and what thematic elements were relevant to your life."
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

I ask again, what is the deal with dentists?

What about Novocaine?  They always shoot you up before they drill.  I appreciate that.  But here's the concern I have.  They seem to be experts at numbing my cheek, my chin, even my nose.  But somehow my teeth can still feel that drill.  Perhaps the purpose isn't to reduce pain at all.  Perhaps it's amusing to make my mouth non functional and cause me to drool all over myself.  (Don't get me wrong, if I were them I would think that's funny.)

What is the deal with dentists?  I think Steve Martin knows the answer.


  1. Not gonna lie...I totally tried to read your responses out loud. You're usually the kind of person who would take the time to see what your answers would sound like with your mouth full of tools...but I made no sense of them except Cthulhu. Haha!

  2. Well, I am glad you are doing better. I felt so bad when I couldn't do anything to make you feel better this morning. Let's just hope we never have to do this again. 6 month check ups for both of us always!

  3. I wrote a paper my first semester of college about how the dentist was ruining my life. I still stand by that paper. Last time I went to a different dentist and I was cranky before he even started. He said he felt like he was guilty until proven innocent. I'm still waiting for him to be proven innocent...

  4. Kayli, that makes me happy that you tried to pronounce them. The first two were total gibberish. The last one was a line from H.P. Lovecraft's The Call of Cthulhu. It means, "In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming." That's awesome that you caught Cthulhu among the gibberish.

  5. I loved the video. I know dentists have always tried to make life as miserable as possible. My dentist when I was a kid would always end with. "Are we still friends?" I always wanted to say, "Are you kidding? If you treat your friends like this what do you do to your enemies?" but I never had the guts. (I was also numb and drooling on myself which might have been part of the reason I didn't tell him the whole truth.)


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