Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Bad Drivers are Booger Eaters

There I was, driving along like a good kid.  It was my normal morning commute from Lehi to Orem.  There was a person in the lane to my right.  We were going approximately the same speed, but I was about 5mph faster.  This person was a few hundred feet in front of me when I noticed them, but since I was going faster, that number was getting smaller.

Suddenly, and inexplicably, when I was about 6 feet behind this person they felt it was time to move over into my lane.  Did they signal?  No.  Did they look in their mirror? Of course not.  Check their blind spot?  Not a chance. At that particular moment, I was probably in their blind spot, but had they taken 3 seconds to signal and look, they would have noticed I was there.  The relative distance in speeds meant that I would only be in their blind spot for 1-2 seconds.

When this person suddenly appeared 6 feet in front of me, I naturally hit my break and also quickly changed lanes to the left.  As I passed this individual I looked over at the driver to see what kind of a person it was that was completely oblivious to the near death experience we had both had.

The driver was a female, approximately 25 years old.  She looked like a normal person, probably really friendly if you met her in any other situation.  She didn't look over at me.  She had no idea of the seething hatred I had for her.  I was doing my best to give her an evil eye as I went by.  But that's when it happened.

What is the it I'm referring to?  Well, her finger went straight up her nose, and I mean deep.  She was digging for gold in the deepest recesses of her face.  And she found something, a treasure of great price.  Her finger came out and she looked at that booger with glee, and that's when her finger went straight into her mouth. That's right, this terrible driver was a booger eater.

I gagged a little bit.

The first time I saw someone eat a booger, I was four or five years old.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  The kids's name was Matt and he chowed right down.  I was so grossed out that I threw up then and there.  This time I just gagged a little.  Look how I've grown.

Here's what I've decided to learn from this situation.  All of you out there that are oblivious to your surroundings while driving, I'm pretty sure you eat boogers.  If you cut me off on the freeway, you probably eat boogers.  If you don't look when you change lanes, you probably eat boogers.  If you chill in the left lane and make people pass you on the right, you probably eat boogers.

Just be aware that every time you do something like this, I'm going to think in my mind that you eat boogers.  Do you really want to be lumped with the booger eaters of the world?  If not, perhaps you should pay more attention while driving.

Oh, and if I ever see anyone eating their boogers, after I gag I'm going to think in my mind that you're a bad driver.  So don't eat boogers.  Also, don't do it because it's gross.


  1. Why did you need to share this one? yuck.

  2. When I was in 3rd grade there was a kid in my class that did that and my teacher immediately took a bar of soap and washed his mouth out. Today you would probably get sued if you did that but somewhere deep inside I have a desire to wash people's mouths out with soap.

  3. Too bad you didn't get her license number. You could have started a 'Bad driver" reporting site.


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