Things Robyn says on Percocet

I recently wrote about how Robyn lost part of her finger.  I also mentioned that she became somewhat amusing when the doctor gave her Percocet for the pain.  I promised you I would share how amusing she was.  So I am totally going to share that.  But first I thought I'd give a quick update.

Her finger has been hurting, but it's definitely healing.  The doctor told us to redress the wound after 2-3 days.  So tonight we had my sister (who is basically a doctor as far as I'm concerned) help us unwrap it and put new bandages on it.  Robyn did really well, even though it was painful.

They make super painful wounds look precious.

So without further ado, here are all of the things that Robyn said while she was on Percocet.  Most of these were said during the drive home from the E.R.  It was just one continuous stream of consciousness that contained all of this goodness.  I wish I had caught it on video, but unfortunately, I was driving.  I tried to remember as much as  I could when I got home, I'm probably missing a few gems, but here is everything I remember:

"I don't want to go back to the ee eye ee eye are.  Wait.... what?"
"I said ee eye ee eye are.  It's like we're going to McDonalds or something."
"I feel wobbly."
"I feel sad."
"I felt like I was gonna pass out.  That's why I went 'whoah'."
"It's like my brain is swirling inside of itself."
"I just cleaned the house.  We can't let it get dirty!"
"I'm wierd.... I'm wierd on percocet."

Why I'm Grateful For Gut Wrenching Pain

On Wednesday I was deathly ill.  I had terrible stomach cramps, and other symptoms that were even less pleasant.  This story is not about my sickness, but I am very grateful I got sick.  Give me a few minutes to explain why.

First of all, last night I was planning on going to a Google conference.  There was going to be a speaker who would talk about the new Google Glass technology.  I was pretty excited about it.

But, even though I was feeling better yesterday, I wasn't feeling 100%.  I wasn't feeling quite up to driving to Salt Lake and being there several hours after a full day of work.

So, I decided not to go.  I just drove home after work.  The sickness is what got me home.

When I got home, Robyn was sitting on the couch, holding her hand on top of her head.  When I first saw her, I thought she was holding her head.  I thought she had a bad head ache or something.

I just asked, "What's happening right now?"

She answered with, "I cut my finger off."

I should make it clear, her finger is still on, at least the vast majority of it.  She was exaggerating, but I thought she was exaggerating a lot more than she really was.  I had no idea that she was hurt as bad as she was.  At first, I thought it was just a little cut.

What I thought was holding her head, was actually holding her hand above her heart and resting it on her head, to help stop the bleeding.  She had it wrapped in a paper towel, and kept pressure on it for a good 20 minutes.  But as soon as she took any pressure off it, the blood gushed forth.

Eventually, after it was concluded the blood would not stop on its own, she made the decision.  She let me take her to a doctor.


And that's when I became grateful that I had felt yucky.  Otherwise, I would have gone to my conference, and she would have sat at home on the couch.  She would have down played how bad she was hurt, she would have tried to not bother me, and she would have sat there alone bleeding for several hours until I came home.  I don't like to picture it.  I'm very grateful that I came home on my own.

In the Emergency Room, I learned a new word.  The new word is "avulsion".  It basically refers to an injury where a chunk of tissue has been cut off, and there's nothing to stitch back together.  (If I'd have known that that's what happened, I would not have waited for her to make the decision to go to the doctor.)

She's cute when she's cranky about cutting off a piece of her finger.

This is the killer object.  It's called a mandolin.  I thought a mandolin was a musical instrument.  Apparently, it's a deadly musical instrument.

The doctors gave her some percocet as a pain killer. (She became an amusing person in the process, I'll write about that another time.)  They also were able to put a magic potion on the wound to help the blood clot.  After all that, they dressed the wound.

The doctor also promised us her finger will fully heal, she didn't cut off so much that it can't grow back.  So, the only permanent casualty is the sliced cucumber that is no longer edible because there's a piece of finger on top of it.