Sunday, June 14, 2015

Jurassic World

I saw Jurassic World on Saturday.   I just felt I had to write about it.  This isn't really a review, because how could I possibly write something objectively about a movie with dinosaurs, and also Star Lord* leading a pack of velociraptors.

Let me repeat those two things in all caps so that you can really grasp them.  DINOSAURS! STAR LORD LEADING A PACK OF VELOCIRAPTORS!

If that all caps business didn't make you say, "I will not close my eyes to sleep until I have seen this movie," then you are clearly dead inside and nothing can be done for you.

So since we know this movie is fabulous due to the all caps reasons stated above, I won't bother reviewing it, but I just had to share some random thoughts about it.

1. I thought the movie was super cool.  I'll admit that I would have thought it was super cool if it was just footage of those 2 kids wearing a GoPro around the park and showing what they see.  I would watch 12 hours of that, including the parts where they stand in line, because DINOSAURS!

2. Also, can we all just agree that if a park ever opens with live dinosaurs that I am clearly going?  Look, I totally understand that people seem to die regularly in those kinds of parks.  I get it.  But I think it's worth the risk.  When those 2 kids were in that little bubble ball driving through dinosaurs, the only thing I wanted in my life was to be them at that moment.
Look how happy we were being chased by a fake tyrannosaurus.  Imagine our joy if it were real.

4. Can we also agree that if we have a park filled with 20,000 people and a dinosaur breaks out of its pen, the solution is not to release more dinosaurs and get them to fight?  I'm not disputing the coolness of watching them fight.  That is what is known as epic.  I just think they could have had better plans such as sending all of their asset control people with lethal weapons so that they didn't all die in the first 30 minutes.

5. I'd like to thank Henry Wu for fixing a concern I've had with every Jurassic Park movie.  He said, "If any of these dinosaurs had pure DNA, they’d look a lot different."  I know they talked in previous movies about using DNA from modern animals to fill in the genetic code.  However, this statement made me realize that these animals are a product being sold to customers, so they are specifically made to look a certain way.  I am no longer offended that velociraptors are too big and they lack feathers.  Well played, Dr. Wu. Well played.

6. Oh, another thing we all need to agree on:  the coolest thing that man can achieve is to be the alpha in a pack of raptors.  This coolness reaches its apex when riding a motorcycle among the pack while on a hunt.

7. Indominus Rex was super cool, but I kind of agree with Star Lord when he said, "They're dinosaurs.  Wow enough!"  His point was that there is no need to genetically engineer the dinosaurs to make them more cool.  They're already pretty dang cool.  I think it would have been super cool if this movie just showed us some new species of real dinosaurs that have been discovered since the last movie was made.  There is plenty of super cool stuff in the real world without making up fictional dinosaurs.

That's all the random thoughts in my brain right now.  If you haven't seen this movie you need to, because DINOSAURS!

* Some of you may be offended that I refer to him as Star Lord, even though his given name is Chris Pratt.  However, if you watch the biographical documentary titled, "Guardians of the Galaxy", you'll see that his preferred name is Star Lord, so I choose to honor that wish.

1 comment:

  1. Ha! Great review. I'm going to wait until NOT pregnant and prone to nightmares involving my children being eaten by dinosaurs. But I am a huge JP fan!


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