My own Christmas Carol

Christmas is awesome.  I love spending time with family, eating delicious food, giving gifts, receiving gifts, and listening to great Christmas music.

There's one song that I've heard a lot on the radio.  The lyrics don't quite jive with the way I see things.  So I decided to rewrite the song the way I would have written it.  Here goes:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.
The very next day you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears, I'm gonna hunt that other guy down and get my heart back.  It's been a rough year being heartless.  Once I get it back, I'm not going to give it to frivolous girls like you who give out hearts like candy.  The heart is a very important organ, you know?  I'm going to protect it.  I'm going to treat it like my precious.  Somewhat like Gollum.  But not in a "lose it to Bilbo Baggins and follow it all the way to Mordor and end up in a pit of molten lava" sort of way, but more in the "stroke it and call it 'my precious' and tell everyone it was a birthday present" sort of way.

What do you think?  I kind of like it, but perhaps there's a reason I don't write songs.  I'm just glad that Robyn didn't give my heart away.  I am free to pump blood through my body for the entire holiday.

Merry Christmas Eve!

I Need to Be Loud

"Mom, sometimes I need to be loud."

Words of wisdom spoken by a little child.  Don't you ever feel like you just can't be quiet?  Sometimes there's just so much pent up energy, that it comes out of you in a loud way.

I was home teaching a family. (In my faith, we are asked to visit members of our congregation in their homes.  We make sure their needs are taken care of and share a gospel message on a monthly basis.)  We visited for a while and got to know each other while their little boy played with his toys.  When it came time to share the message they told their little boy that he could continue to play but he needed to be quiet.  That's when he said with dismay, "But mom, sometimes I need to be loud."

I told him that I felt the same way all the time.  I am not a particularly quiet person.  Sometimes I just need to be loud.  He played quietly, but I did my best to keep it short so that he wouldn't have to be quiet for too long.  I know all too well how difficult that can be.

That night, Robyn and I were laying in bed.  We were discussing our day, and Robyn said something that didn't make very much sense to me.  I pointed out that it didn't make sense.  That's when Robyn (loudly) shared this pearl of wisdom:  "It's too sleepy to make sense.  That's why I'm yelling."  (She says awesome stuff when she's tired.)

You see, ever since the two of us turned 30, our house has become a very sleepy place.  That's what happens when you're old.  Also, apparently, the volume control no longer works on our voices.  So, whether your in your old age (thirties) or you are very young, sometimes you just need to be loud.

A Chance to Help

A friend of mine asked me to help her spread the word about a Christmas project she is putting together. There is an individual named Chathura who is from Sri Lanka. His father died when he was 15 years old and he has not been home to Sri Lanka to see his mother in 4 years.

A few of his friends in the BYU Adlab decided it would be fun to buy him a plane ticket and give him the chance to go home for Christmas.  Unfortunately, they are poor college students themselves.  But, not to be deterred, they decided to put the word out to the people of the internet.  (That's you.)  They only need $3000 to grant this opportunity to a deserving friend.

In today's economy we are all strapped for cash. There are many worthy causes out there.  Fortunately, this is something that can be accomplished easily if each of us give just a little.  A few dollars from a lot of people adds up pretty quickly.  You can donate through Paypal if you have an account, or simply with a credit card if you don't.

If you still need convincing here are some videos to do just that:

Watch this video to learn about their project.

Send Chathura Home from BYU Adlab on Vimeo.

Watch this one to meet Chathura:

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Meet Chathura from BYU Adlab on Vimeo.

If you still need convincing, just look at that precious face.

Now  that you are convinced, you can go to sendchathurahome.com to donate a few dollars to help make a Merry Christmas for someone else.  Do it quickly!  They won't accept donations after they reach $3000, and you will have lost your chance to be a part of a little miracle.

Thanks for your help and have a very merry Christmas!

Why language matters

I was not an English major.  I am not one who tries to critique other people's grammar or spelling.  But the more I read other people's writing, the more I feel that people need to gain a basic understanding of the English language.

You see, I play Hanging With Friends on my iPhone.  (It's a hangman game where you select words for each other to guess.)  I play some with friends as well as allowing it to match me up with strangers.

Of course,  I do my best to select more difficult words, (because I like to win) but it's not like I make up words.   I only use words that I am already aware of.

I was playing a game with a stranger and I made the word "magi".  I thought it would be a somewhat difficult word to guess but I didn't think it would be a word that was unrecognizable.

The stranger didn't guess the word.  Woot! Point for me!  But then they sent me a message saying, "since wen iz magi a {swear word} wrd??".  I answered, "It's the plural of mage."  But then, fearing that my answer was inadequate, I sent another message, "Which is like a wizard."

Now, here's my concern.  I don't expect everyone to know what a mage is.  Perhaps they never played warcraft and never had to deal with that stupid spell where mages turn your army into sheep.  But, if you can't master such words as 'when', 'is' or 'word' then I'm just going to guess that 'mage' is out of your reach.  The good news is that the swear word was spelled correctly, although it's debatable whether that was a proper usage of that word.

So here is my plea to all the people of Earth.  Pay attention to your grammar, your spelling and your punctuation.  It doesn't have to be perfect, but be aware that effective use of the language brings effective communication.

Please don't eat grandpa.

One Million Pounds

Do you have a million pounds of stuff? I could totally move it. It's no biggy. I move a million pounds all the time. Okay, maybe not all the time. But I've done it once.

You see, I've been trying to lose some weight. (No, I don't weigh a million pounds. I know that's where you think this story is going.) So, for the past few months I've been working out at the gym. In August I started recording my workouts. I've kept a record of everything that I've lifted. As of right now, the total that I've lifted since August 11th is 1,001,570 pounds.

Now, I know you're impressed. And why wouldn't you be? That's 12.5 eighteen wheelers. That's two (empty) 747 planes. That's 83 elephants. Or (most importantly) that's 1,477,541 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. Of course, most of the machines at the gym have you lifting weight up about 2 feet. So I have taken a few months to move 83 elephants 24 inches. They could have moved themselves but they weren't doing it.

In the process I have also moved 2 inches off of my belly and 2% of my body fat has been banished.

This is pretty much what I look like now.

So if you need a couple planes moved a couple feet, just let me know.  I'll totally take care of it.

Happy Birthday to My Love

Thirty years ago today, a very important event happened in history. When Robyn asked me if I remembered what happened today, I told her that I remember that her mom got sick and had to go to the hospital, but I couldn't remember what was wrong. That made her cranky, but I remember now what it was. Thirty years ago my beautiful wife Robyn came into the world. (She wasn't my wife at the time. I was like 6 months old, that would be awkward.)

We were both this precious thirty years ago, but our preciousness was separate.

To commemorate 30 years of Robyn, I have decided to write 30 things I love about her.

Warning: possible mushiness ahead. Proceed at your own risk.

Robyn,

1. I love that you always want to do what is right.
2. I love that you always sound cute when you sneeze. (Readers of the blog: I will try to get you audio or video, but I have not yet achieved that.)
3. I love that you make such a cute face when you're cranky

How can you not love that cranky face?

4. I love that you're always willing to have fun
5. I love that you make amazing food
6. I love that you love to learn and grow
7. I love that you help me become a better person
8. I love that you do the most humorous things while sleeping

Reading while sleeping is a special talent

9. I love that you're fun and creative
10. I love that you make our home beautiful
11. I love that you're a hotty
12. I love that you like to surprise me
13. I love that you love the Lord
14. I love that you think I'm funny even when I'm not.
15. I love that you think you're funny even when you're not.
16. I love that we have great and exciting experiences together
17. Did I mention your cooking?
18. I love that we're just so precious together

Our precious level is off the charts

19. I love that you always follow your heart
20. I love that you know when to seek counsel and when to follow what you know
21. I love that you have amazing empathy for others
22. I love that you have a gift with children, you bring out the best in them

23. I love that you have awesome hair

It's oh so fun to play with

24. I love that you truly are my best friend
25. Oh Whoah Dang! (See reason #11)
26. I love when you do the cold run (I wish I had pictures.  When Robyn is cold, she does this run where she tucks her arms in and does a cute little waddle.)
27. I love that you are a creative thinker and have brilliant ideas.
28. I love that you came with an awesome family that has welcomed me and made me feel loved.
29. I love that you love reading and value knowledge.
30. I love that the last 3 years have been the best in my life.

Robyn, I love you so much!  I love you more than bacon.  I love you more than chocolate milk.  I love you more than Blu-Ray discs or books.  I hope you have the most amazing birthday of your life.

P.S.  As you pass into your thirties I hope this post was sufficiently loving as well as embarrassing.  I love you!

The Tale of the Free Book

Come little children, gather round.  I will tell you a story of swashbuckling pirates, true love, giants, deception, and war.  Okay, not really.  If you want that story you should read The Princess Bride.

But, I am going to tell you a story about Goodreads and how I got a free book.  I know it doesn't sound as interesting, and that may be because it's not as interesting.  But it was a neat experience for me, so I hope you find it at least somewhat to your liking.

You see, about 2 years ago I decided that it would be cool to write a review on Goodreads, of every book that I read.  I really don't know how much value they give to others.  I mostly do it to help me remember what I liked and didn't like about each book as well as remembering quotes or themes that I was able to pull out of the book.

Since it's been a few years and I am an avid reader, I have built up quite a set of reviews.  I don't know exactly how many there are but I would guess it's around 80 or 90.

Well, apparently my reviews are not bad because I got an email from a blogger that I have followed for a long time.  He recently came out with a book and I had added it to my list of books to read but had not yet actually purchased or read it.  He desired in his heart for me to review his book.  This is what the email said:

Jeff, I noticed you've marked my book, "Uncommon Sense: A Common Citizen's Guide to Rebuilding America," as "to-read." I'll make you a deal: I'll send you a free copy if you promise to 1) read it as soon as possible, and 2) post your review on Goodreads and Amazon. What do you say? If you're up for it, I'd just need your mailing address. Thanks! Stephen Palmer

This would be an excellent cover for a book about uncommon sense.

Now, for someone who writes a review of every book I read, this seemed like a phenomenally good deal.  Especially since I have found Stephen Palmer's blog to be well written and insightful.  Naturally, I sent him my address with great haste.

When the book arrived, I opened it up and saw this.

I guess I didn't realize he would sign it.  It made me feel suddenly cool and in the know.  I had an author sign his book for me, and not because I stood in a line at a Wal-Mart where he was signing books, but because he actually wanted me to read it.  (Authors are not like real people to me.  They're like celebrities, only more intelligent.  They say smart stuff that people read.  I apologize if my geeking out about this is disgusting you.)

I hungrily devoured the book.  I found it to be filled with wisdom.  I found that the note he wrote in the front of the book was an excellent thesis for the entire book.  Change really does begin with you and me, and not in Washington.  The message really spoke to me and I learned a lot from the book.  (You can read my full review and list of awesome quotes from the book here.)

There are two morals to this story.  (I bring you so much wisdom and morality.)  The first is that you should read this book.  It's an easy read and you can buy it at amazon or borrow my copy that has been signed by the author.  (I like rubbing it in.)

The second is that if you write a book you should let me read it for free.  I promise to write a good review.  Unless your book is really bad, then I am willing to not write a review, which would be kinder than actually writing the review of how bad your book is.  But if you're planning to write a really bad book, my suggestion is don't do it.

It should be noted that my friend Chanel has written a book.  She graduated from normal person to smart person, who has written stuff that people pay to read.  She let me read her book for free as well.  It was an excellent read.  I even wrote a review.  So buy her book on amazon.

All the rest of you who have not sent me free books:  Let's get on that.

The Foursquare Enforcer

I met the foursquare enforcer.  He's very real.  So you better not ever cheat on foursquare.

I know, most of you don't even know what foursquare is.  Now I'm going to have to explain it to you and simultaneously reveal my own high level of nerditude.

Foursquare is a mobile application where you can track where you are and share it with your friends.  It uses the GPS in your phone to see where you are, then you "check in" to nearby venues.  Your friends can see where you are checked in, you can comment and share pictures of the places.

When you check in to certain types of places you get special badges that appear on your profile letting people know that you have done such noteworthy things as gone bowling, eaten hot dogs, or checked in really late on a school night.  It's pretty high class stuff.  Also, the person who has checked in to a given location the most times in the past two months is deemed the mayor of that location.  Some businesses even give discounts for checking in or becoming the mayor of their establishment.

This is where the story gets somewhat embarrassing.  I wanted a certain badge on foursquare that you earn by checking in to an office a certain number of times.  Whoever added my work to foursquare did not categorize it as an office.  Therefore, I was checking in every day to a real estate office across the parking lot.

That's when the foursquare enforcer swooped in and commented on my checkin.

Wherever there are people checking in from several hundred yards away.  I'll be there!

He reprimanded me for my evil ways and exhorted me to never check in there again.  I explained to him the importance of me getting this badge and asked him why it was so important that I not check in.  This was his response:

Because other people who actually work here want the mayorship. If you want to cheat, just make up a new fake office.

I really wanted to mock him for feeling so strongly about a dumb phone application.  Every ounce of my soul really wanted to pour forth some mocking words.  But then I remembered that I was the one who was cheating in the dumb cell phone application.  All the mocking really should be directed at me.  I had to sheepishly tell him that I wouldn't check in there again and he was free to pursue the mayorship of his dreams.

I'll get you next time foursquare enforcer!  You haven't seen the last of me!

Thus ends the sad tale of how the foursquare cheater was defeated by the foursquare enforcer.  Isn't it funny how the foursquare cheater looks just like me except with more hair and an awkwardly photoshopped head? Totally crazy.

The Toothpaste Miracle

Life is filled with small miracles.  Toothpaste tubes are one example.

You probably don't agree.  You probably think I'm crazy.  You're probably right.  But all I know is that I have witnessed the toothpaste miracle many times throughout my life.  You probably have too.  You just don't realize it.

Let me tell you my story and then you'll understand.

It all started when I laid down in my bed before brushing my teeth at night.  We all know how powerful the bed is when you're sleepy.  Once you're laying down it is nearly impossible to get up again.  But there is another force almost equally as powerful.  That force is the clean, satisfied feeling you get when you lay in bed after having brushed your teeth.  I think my dilemma is probably clear.  I didn't want to get out of bed, but I didn't want to go to sleep without brushing my teeth.

This is when I started using persuasive tactics to convince Robyn that she should brush my teeth.  I started explaining how I clearly couldn't do it myself.  I tried to help her understand that it would be such a terrible tragedy if I had to get out of bed.  To my surprise, she agreed to brush my teeth.  She grabbed my tube (We have separate toothpaste, for marital harmony.  Also because she uses a special toothpaste for sensitive teeth.  But mostly for marital harmony.  We can both squeeze it from wherever we like.) She exclaimed, "You don't have any toothpaste left."

This is what she was looking at:

You see, it looks like it's been squeezed to the max.  But the toothpaste miracle is that you can always squeeze out enough to brush your teeth just one more time.  It's looked like this for at least a month.  I'm pretty sure I can go a few more weeks before I throw it away.  Even when I throw it away I will know in my heart that I could have gone one more time, if I'd just squeezed it a little harder.

So I explained the miracle to Robyn.  She gave it a good squeeze and then proceeded to come at me with a loaded toothbrush.  At this point I had many regrets.  I regretted making the request that she brush my teeth.  I also regretted explaining the toothpaste miracle to her.  I expressed my regrets and told her I would brush my own teeth.  She said it was too late, I had sealed my fate.

What happened next was right out of an action movie.  You know how there's always the bad guy with a knife and the hero has to hold the villain's arm so that he doesn't get stabbed while he struggles to disarm his foe?  That's what happened, only the knife was a toothbrush, I was the hero and Robyn was the villain.  I successfully disarmed her (or debrushed her) and she went away grumbling something about how she was only trying to help.

Then, with great effort, I got out of bed and went to the sink to brush my teeth.  At least I didn't have to squeeze the toothpaste tube.  But, don't worry.  There will always be enough for one more time.

The Making of a Blue Man

Did I mention I love Halloween?  Well, this year my costume idea turned out to be a little more ambitious than in past years.  I just really wanted to be a blue man.

I think i pulled it off pretty well.  But the process turned out to be much more involved than I originally thought.  I started out looking like this:

Not a Blue Man

There are a few problems with the above picture.  Such as:
1. I'm not blue.  I'm rather white.
2. I have hair.

We decided to tackle the second problem first.  The first step was to trim my hair down so it would be easier to shave.

White man with short hair is not equal to blue man

That step wasn't too scary.  I normally cut my hair pretty short.  The next step was new for me.  I needed to shave my head.  So, I had to lather up with shave gel.

Precious? Yes.  Blue Man? No.

Robyn helped out quite a bit.  She was the one who actually ran the razor over every inch of my head.  The result was a completely bald Jeff.

I could have stopped here and gone as Mr. Clean

Finally, with no hair to get in the way I could begin the application of makeup.

This was the beginning of a ridiculously long process

Fast forward about five years later.  While I was applying my makeup, Robyn was putting together her costume.  I think we were officially the cutest couple ever.

Who would have thought that Cindy Lou Who would grow up to fall in love with a Blue Man?

The Aftermath
We went to a party with some friends, where I was able to share my blueness.  When I got home, I hopped in the shower and discovered the makeup was a little more difficult to remove than I thought.  I eventually got the hang of applying soap, makeup remover and plenty of elbow grease.  When I got out of the shower, I had cleaned up my skin for the most part, but it turned out my eyebrows were a little more difficult.

I was hoping it would be a permanent look.

Robyn said my blue eyebrows were unacceptable for bed.  She felt that our entire bed would turn blue if I had blue eyebrows.  I didn't feel that was true. But since I didn't try it, I can neither confirm nor deny the veracity of the blue bed theory.

Her belief in the blue bed theory was very strong so she got out the makeup removal kit and proceeded to scrub my eyebrows while I played on facebook.  It was a little awkward, but we both got what we wanted.  I wanted to play on facebook and she wanted my eyebrows to cease being blue.  Talk about a win/win.

In the end, it was a lot of work, but the awesomeness was totally worth it.  Now it's time to start planning next year's costume.

The Haunted Date

This week I went on a date. It wasn't with my wife. That was my sensationalist opening line that's supposed to draw you in. Are you drawn in? If not, there's not much I can do to keep you around. I'll just cut my losses and send you to see dancing badgers.

For the rest of you that are still around, I have a story to tell. You see, I love Halloween. I love scary movies. I love wearing cool costumes. Most of all, I love haunted houses. When I was single, one of my most beloved traditions was that every year I would take a girl to a haunted house. I went with the hopes that something would frighten me, but it was important to take a girl so that I could be amused when she was frightened, even if I wasn't.

I always figured I would find someone who I would fall in love with and take her to a haunted house every year for the rest of my life.  (Ahh the naivete of youth)  Then I met Robyn. It turned out I loved her even though she is much too frightened of haunted houses. Naturally, we got married.

The sad part of the story is that I hadn't been to a haunted house since beginning to date Robyn. (She did try to go to a haunted house. That's how much she loves me. But it didn't really work out.)

But then I saw a commercial for the Haunted Circus. The commercial was seriously creepy. I knew deep down in my soul that I needed to go. I also knew that it was important to bring a girl for screaming purposes and that girl wasn't going to be my wife. That's when I got the brilliant idea to ask my little sister Mellen (Her name is MariEllen but I call her Mellen because that's how I roll.) on a date. We had lots of fun. She even screamed properly when she was supposed to.

This is how precious we looked before we went in.

I have a few other pictures to share.  At my wife's request, I am not posting them directly, you'll have to follow links.  Remember that one time I had that creepy night visitor? Remember how I told the story and posted some creepy images to go along with it? I got in big trouble for that.  Robyn made it clear that I am not allowed to be scary on my blog or else she will never read it again.  She told me she doesn't want to see any pictures from the haunted circus.  So I am respecting that and only linking to them. (But be warned.  They're not very scary.  So click on them at your own risk.)

When we got there, there was a giant creepy clown roaming around the entrance.  I asked him if I could have a picture with him.  Mellen said that having him pose for a picture ruined his creepiness.

Later, I made Mellen pose with a creepy clown.

Then she had me pose with one. She told me I didn't look scared enough, so this is my scared face.

We had good times together.  She clearly wasn't the most screamy girl there, but I was totally okay with that. There was one part where we came out of one of the circus trailers and there was a guy standing there with an ax.  I commented that he was kind of creepy and Mellen agreed.  He said he was offended by that, and was going to have to chop off her head.  I tried to explain to him that that kind of rhetoric might be the reason that he's coming off as creepy.  He didn't seem to want to reason with me.

I did actually get frightened a couple times.  There was one strange headless creature that ran at me and really surprised me.  I didn't scream or anything, I just kind of giggled.  Mellen said it was really funny.  After the initial shock wore off I told the creature that I really liked him and I gave him a high five.

All in all, it was an excellent date.  Mellen and I agreed that we need to make it an annual event.  Aren't sisters great?

Will it microwave?

My wife got a new microwave this past week.  But that's not what this post is about.  You see, a new microwave means that we have an old ghetto microwave that doesn't matter if it gets ruined.  An old ghetto microwave means we have the chance to answer the age old question of "Will it microwave?"

It is such an important question to answer that I thought I would share my findings with all of you.  By the way, don't try this at home.  Just come over to my place instead.  We'll have good times.

Here are all the things we tried microwaving.  (Actually, it's not all.  Some of them weren't that interesting.  These are all the ones that were cool and/or amusing.)  Thanks be unto my brother Zack for being the face of the "Will it Microwave?" movement.

A CD

Microwaving CDs has been a pass time of children for centuries.  I'm pretty sure I've seen cave paintings of kids putting CDs in microwaves.  Nevertheless, I felt it was an appropriate place to start.

A DVD
DVDs may look a lot like CDs but the technology is fairly different.  It turns out DVDs are not as cool to microwave as CDs.  But there are still some fun sparks and goodness.

A Fork
This was one of my favorites.  The awesomeness is overwhelming.

A marshmallow
Microwaves make marshmallows multiply.  It's like when gremlins get wet.

A zinger
Zingers are kind of like twinkies with frosting on top.  We were hoping it would explode or expand or something.  It mostly just melted, but still pretty cool.

A match under a glass bowl
This contraption was something my brother had seen videos of.  It turns out its awesome.  This was probably my favorite.  I am not an expert in physics so I have no idea why this happens.  I am an expert in awesome, so I can tell you this is definitely awesome.  If there is a physicist in the house, perhaps they can explain what is happening here.

I hope I've helped you answer the eternal question of "Will it microwave?". It turns out being an adult is just like being a kid, only when you own the microwave your mom can't get mad at you for doing things that could break it.

Third anniversary

I told you before that for our third anniversary Robyn got a microwave and I got a trip to Shoshone Falls.  We got back from our trip yesterday.  It turned out to be a fun and relaxing little trip.  We saw just enough things to make it fun, but not so many that we couldn't relax.  Here are a few of the experiences we had.

As we drove into Twin Falls,  I told Robyn that we were going to drive over a huge bridge.  The Snake River has formed a giant canyon that is pretty amazing.  But as we were driving across the super flat area approaching the city, we began to doubt that we would see a massive canyon with a bridge going over it.  Then suddenly it appeared.

I.B. Perrine Bridge AKA biggest bridge ever

I was pretty sure it was a bridge, but luckily someone helped me to confirm my belief.

Of course, the site that I came to see was Shoshone Falls.  They call it the Niagara of the West.  It is actually taller than Niagara Falls but not as wide.  As we drove down the canyon road approaching the overlook I could see the top of the falls and I just began to be giddy.  I was super excited, this is a very important item on my bucket list.  I parked in the parking lot and ran down the stairs to the overlook.  Robyn took my picture in front of the falls and a nice little bonus rainbow.

I didn't see any gold at the end of the rainbow.

The falls were beautiful.  They haven't had this much water flowing for years.

I was pretty excited about it. Robyn took a video of me. We all know that I sound special needs when I get excited. She said I could sound smarter if I told some random facts. That's why I start rambling about how much water is flowing. I don't think it worked, but you can enjoy the view of the falls nonetheless. Here I am in front of the falls.

Oh, and it's important to prove Robyn was there as well.

Isn't she precious?

After Shoshone Falls we went to Twin Falls.  Twin Falls got its name because there were two different water falls coming on both sides of a large rock.  Unfortunately, the power plant has dammed up one side of the falls, so it's not really a twin fall anymore.  But here is the waterfall.

See the dam on the right?  This is unifall.

Through all of our explorations we got to see this massive canyon.  It was amazing.

Looking at this it's hard to believe we couldn't see it until we were almost on top of it.

All in all, it was a fabulous trip.  We got to see some amazing beauty as well as enjoy some quiet time together.  Next year is Robyn's turn to plan the anniversary.  Let's hope it's awesome.

My longest Roommate

Today is an important day in history.  Three years ago Robyn and I took the plunge and became man and wife.  That means today is our third Anniversary.  The third anniversary is a very important milestone.  You see, today is the day that Robyn becomes the roommate I have lived with the longest. (This is clearly excluding siblings and parents.)

That's right, for 3 years I lived with these individuals:

Though I have a great love for Conor and Jordan I feel that I definitely traded up.  For the past 3 years I have been married to the love of my life.

Way cuter than Conor and Jordan.

It's been a thrill ride and an adventure.  I'm so glad that I get to be with my love forever.  I look forward to many more years together.  Robyn, I love you more than bacon.  (I clearly don't love Conor and Jordan more than bacon.)

Stay tuned for more on our Anniversary.  Robyn gets a new microwave and I get a trip to see Shoshone Falls.  So don't change the channel!

What Google Knows

I recently discovered a fascinating feature on Google.  (By recently, I mean about 15 minutes ago.)  I don't know how long this feature has existed, but I choose to believe that I am the first human being to have discovered it.

You see, Google now has a feature where you can drag images into the search bar and it will search for "similar" images.  Naturally, as soon as I discovered it, I had to play around with it to see what it would return.  Again, naturally, I used various images from recent blog posts of mine.  Some of the results impressed me by how good Google is.  Some of them puzzled me, but made me even more impressed when I realized the correlations.  I'll show you what I mean.

Here is Robyn.  She is precious.  She is in front of scenery.

A search for that image returned this image:

This girl is clearly not as precious.  But she is female and she is in front of scenery.

Not bad, right?  Well, let's see what else Google returns.

Jared and Katherine are so cute as they hold each other lovingly in the forest.

According to Google, Jared and Katherine are just like these warriors:

Look how they lovingly hold their guns in the forest.

The next picture is of Robyn.  She is sporting a beach ball belly to demonstrate what she would look like pregnant.  The picture is indisputably awesome.

Indisputably Awesome. (Just reminding you)

According to Google, what else is indisputably awesome?

Who would doubt the awesomeness of this face?  Google knows what is awesome.

For the next picture, remember when I looked just like an Allosaurus?

I still can't tell which one is me and which is an Allosaurus.

Google thinks that picture looks just like this:

It took me a minute to figure out why Google thought they were the same, but I figured it out.   The little girl is cute, just like me.  The guy is old, just like a dinosaur.  Isn't google wise?

I have one more for you.  This one truly showcases how much Google knows about everything.

It's just me, chillaxin with my delicious green juice.

Google thinks that is just like this:

That's right.  Google thinks I'm just like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.  You may think it's because I have no social skills, or that I'm conceited and full of myself.  Those answers are incorrect.  Google clearly returned this picture because it saw me as a genius and wanted to let the world know that I am as smart as Sheldon.

Aren't you impressed with how much Google knows about the world?

The Staycation

This past Saturday Robyn and I decided we needed a vacation.  You can understand why.  It had been 6 days since we got home from San Diego so we were pretty much due for another vacation.

Unfortunately, since we had just taken a trip it wasn't really feasible to take another.  But we did something almost as awesome.  We took a "vacation from our problems".  It was the most fabulous thing ever.

I got up in the wee hours of the morning to mow the lawn before Robyn woke up.  That way I could be on vacation the rest of the day.  We started by going out to breakfast.   Robyn picked a place that had been featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives(she's a Food Network guru).  It was called the Blue Plate Diner.  I had a most delicious omelet with "homefries" (yummy fried potatoes) and pancakes.  It filled my heart with gladness and took away all my sadness.

More yummy than you can possibly imagine

 After that we went to Sugarhouse Park and walked around the whole park.  According to Google Maps we only walked 1.4 miles, so we probably didn't burn off our delicious breakfast, but we had fun anyway.

We found this fun pond

We also found this cool tunnel going under the road.

When I saw the cool tunnel I wanted to be a fugitive being chased by a U.S. Marshal.  I could tell him I didn't kill my wife and he wouldn't care.  Maybe that actually wouldn't be fun.

For lunch, we used our new juicer to make some delicious juice.  It was soo good.  We put in all sorts of things like grapes, carrots, spinach, apples and pears.  It juiced them all for us and spit out this goodness.

I know you don't usually drink green things, but it's awesome I promise.

Look how happy it made me.

That evening we got to go out to eat again.  We went out for some Thai food.  It was awesome.  I need to visit Thailand for the food.  That is how I feel.

When you're on vacation you get to go out for dessert as well.  We went out for cupcakes and "cake bites".  Cake bites are apparently the new trendy thing among desserts.  I'm unaware of what is trendy.  But I am aware of what is delicious.

These are delicious.

The moral of the story is that normal life is lame.  But you can be on vacation just by sayin' so.

Grooving in a Wagon

I was posting my San Diego pics to facebook. I discovered that there were two shots of me on a wagon that were kind of awesome when viewed quickly in succession. Naturally, I made an animated gif out of them. I hope you appreciate this awesomeness.

My little jig motivates the oxen

Edit: It appears that the animation doesn't work in all browsers.  If you click on the image it will take you to the raw image on my site where the animation seems to work more universally.