One Million Pounds

Do you have a million pounds of stuff? I could totally move it. It's no biggy. I move a million pounds all the time. Okay, maybe not all the time. But I've done it once.

You see, I've been trying to lose some weight. (No, I don't weigh a million pounds. I know that's where you think this story is going.) So, for the past few months I've been working out at the gym. In August I started recording my workouts. I've kept a record of everything that I've lifted. As of right now, the total that I've lifted since August 11th is 1,001,570 pounds.

Now, I know you're impressed. And why wouldn't you be? That's 12.5 eighteen wheelers. That's two (empty) 747 planes. That's 83 elephants. Or (most importantly) that's 1,477,541 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. Of course, most of the machines at the gym have you lifting weight up about 2 feet. So I have taken a few months to move 83 elephants 24 inches. They could have moved themselves but they weren't doing it.

In the process I have also moved 2 inches off of my belly and 2% of my body fat has been banished.

This is pretty much what I look like now.

So if you need a couple planes moved a couple feet, just let me know.  I'll totally take care of it.