The Great Freak Out of '08

Today is the 5 year anniversary of an important event in history.  Five years ago today, was the great freak out of '08.

This story is a chapter in the Saga of Jeff and Robyn.  You romantics out there can get excited about the fact that it is a chapter in our love story.  You tough guys out there can appreciate that this is not a kissing story.

Every love story has a period where one person is interested before the other.  This story takes place during that period.  I had noticed Robyn and had become quite interested in her.  She had impressed me with her intelligence, humor and hotness.  For several weeks I had made sure to have contact with her every day.  If possible I would take her on a date, but if not, we would either hang out in a group or (last resort) just talk on the phone.

During this entire period of positive daily contact, my normally rational brain was slowly turning to mush.  You see, I had never felt so many emotions at one time.  I felt excited to be with her.  I felt scared that she didn't like me back.  I felt uncertainty about how to proceed.  I felt giddy every time I was with her.

That is way too many emotions.  My emotional capacity is equal to 1.  That means I am able to feel a maximum of one emotion if I want to remain functional.  (Robyn says I'm a robot.  Apparently, I normally have less than 1 emotion.)  I can feel happy.  I can feel sad.  I can feel angry.  But only one at a time.  The more these extra emotions crowded in above my capacity to handle them, the more my brain had to make room by removing other features.  My rational thought was the first to go.  Next was my ability to read people.  With these two things gone, I became more uncertain about where I stood with Robyn.  Thus, I became more insecure and felt more emotions.  The vicious cycle had begun.  The stage had been set.

On President's Day I thought it would be fun to take her out to breakfast.  However, my brother, in an attempt to help, foiled that plan.  On Sunday night, before I had a chance to ask her to breakfast the next morning, he asked her to breakfast and said we should all go as friends. His secret plan was to back out, so that Robyn and I would be alone.  Of course, what he didn't realize was that I was actually capable of asking a girl on a date.  Anyway, he pulled out, but since he had defined it as a group of friends, Robyn's roommate joined us, and the three of us went to breakfast.

It turns out that there was no problem with Robyn's roommate being there.  She was fun and I liked her.  Plus, Robyn was in a weird (and kind of cruel) phase where she went out of her way to let me know she wasn't interested in me.  Had we been alone she may have tried even harder to emphasize that.  The Great Freak Out may have been even worse.

After that breakfast, I was convinced that my life was over.  She wasn't interested in me, and my life couldn't possibly go on.  Since I had no functional brain I couldn't think myself out of this problem.  I had come upon the classic no win situation. (Not even Captain Kirk could solve this one.)

I kind of pride myself on my problem solving skills.  I think of myself as an intelligent individual that can figure out any problem.  But without a functional brain I was merely coming up with solutions like, "I like cheese."  or "I wonder what Hawaii is like this time of year."  Those are both wonderful thoughts.  But they were useless byproducts of a broken brain.

That's when I brought in the big guns.  I went to visit my friends Heather and Kayli.  Now, I knew they wouldn't necessarily solve my problems.  But that wasn't actually what I needed.   I was a big ball of emotions.  I needed what every big ball of emotions needs.  I needed girl talk.

They pulled through big.  They said things like, "She'll totally like you." and "You're so precious.  Of course she likes you."

I wish I could help you understand how dysfunctional my brain had become.  I wish I could portray how emotional I was.  The only record of my emotional, irrational self is a little cell phone video that Kayli took.  I'd like you to notice a few things.  First, look at how much hair I used to have.  Second, do you see how I'm laughing but also look frustrated and also like I might cry?  Ya, I was messed up.

Despite the pep talks I received, I suspended any contact with Robyn for 48 hours.  I needed some time to perform some diagnostics.

But after that period, I resumed my pursuit of Robyn with even greater vigor.  It should be noted that by the next President's Day, a year later, she was my wife.  I'll always be indebted to Heather and Kayli for their President's Day girl talk.

I'm glad that now, 5 years later, I can enjoy my President's Day much more, knowing that I can feel secure in my relationship with Robyn.

Happy President's Day!