A Fever, Jammies and True Love

I don't get sick very often, and when I do, it's usually Robyn's fault.

That may sound harsh, but it's the truth.  I can count on getting sick once a year, and it's always in September, right after the beginning of school.  Robyn meets her new class, and they always introduce her to brand new diseases.  Robyn has some sort of heroic immune system that allows her to not actually get sick, while still keeping the diseases strong enough to come home and infest me.

This past week was an exception to the rule of all diseases being Robyn's fault.  I'm not really sure whose fault it was, but they should definitely be punished.

The symptoms started out pretty basic.  First, I just got really cold.  I really don't get cold very often, but this sickness came with some serious chills.

At first I thought that part of it was kind of fun.  I got to put on warm, snuggly jammies.  I've always been jealous of the idea of jammies, because being all snuggly sounds fabulous.  But, in actual practice, jammies make me much too hot and smuffed.

Robyn was so excited that I was wearing jammies that she had to take a picture.  If you can't tell, my fists are clenched because I'm shivering.

Robyn also really enjoyed this phase because it meant I cranked up the heat.  Basically, when I get sick my body functions just like Robyn's does normally.  (At least when it comes to its ability to stay warm.)

But then the less fun parts came.  The swollen sinuses, the cough that never ends and feels like it's tearing apart my insides, the achey muscles, the fever that feels like it's frying my brain and my eyeballs.  Basically, it's not awesome.

Yesterday, Robyn even convinced me to stay home from work.  I don't usually stay home when I'm sick.  I figure my job consists of sitting at a computer, it doesn't require that much physical exertion.  But this one really had me wiped out.  And I think the extra rest really helped me recover faster.

Then it snowed.  I figured I'd had a full day of rest.  I could totally handle shoveling the sidewalk.  Normally, it's a task that takes me 20 minutes tops.  But I got out there and was able to take about 2 scoops before needing to rest.  Plus, my cough was getting worse being out in the cold.  But Robyn got home from work while I was out there giving it my best shot.  She sent me inside and said she would do it.  That is true love.

But don't worry, even in my weakened state, I still thought to make an animated gif of her shoveling prowess.

Well, now comes the part where we receive proof that she didn't give this disease to me.  This morning she was complaining of not feeling well, and now she can't even get out of bed.  That means not only did she not infect me in the first place, but I infected her.  Now I'm the one who should be punished.

Remember how it made me super cold, even though I never get cold?  Remember how Robyn is always cold?  What do you think this disease that gives major chills does to someone who is always cold?

It's my turn to show true love.

Take a good long look, because my thermostat will never look like this again.

Awkward and Old

I'm awkward and old.  That's nothing new to you.  But, I'll get to that in a minute.  First, a story.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.  Wait, strike that.  It was in this galaxy, in the state of Wyoming.  But it was a long time ago, just under 13 years ago, in early 2001.  (Sorry, I had to do the galaxy far away thing.  Star Wars is playing on the TV right now.)

I was serving as a missionary for my church.  We were visiting a young family.  We were having some sort of gospel discussion.  I don't really remember the details of the discussion.  What I do remember is that this gospel discussion had way more nudity than most discussions on my mission.  As we were talking, the wife inexplicably lifted up her shirt and took off her bra.

I was really confused by this behavior.  You always hear stories from others about the strange things missionaries experience in other cultures.  But these stories usually come from people who went to places like Africa or South America.  I was in Wyoming.  As in, a state that borders my home state.

Nevertheless, there she was, removing her bra.  She was still wearing a shirt.  But since she had lifted the shirt above the bra area, the only function that shirt was serving was to cover her shoulders.  I don't think that shoulders are the primary body part that shirts are supposed to cover, particularly for women.

I looked at my companion.  He looked at me.

We had one of those conversations you have with your eyes.

Me:  I don't understand what's happening right now.

Companion:  My understanding is that she is removing her clothing.

Me:  I don't get it.

Companion:  She's doing what the kids call "letting it all hang out."

Me:  I'm confused.

Companion:  It's quite simple.  We're visiting with this nice couple, and the wife is topless.

Me:  WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!??!

This exchange continued for several seconds in much the same manner.  My companion was not able to help me better understand the situation, at least not through eye language.  I'm sure the husband caught the whole eye conversation because our eyes were definitely not whispering.  The wife, however, clearly did not catch any of it.  She was too busy removing her clothing.

Actual photo from that day
Note: This is before feet were invented

Once she made sure that everyone had seen what there was to see, the woman picked up her baby and began breast feeding.

The eye conversation continued.

Companion:  I knew that's what was happening the whole time.

Me:  I now understand what was happening.  However, I think she could have provided nutrition for her baby with a little less nudity.

So, that's my story.  But why do I share it now, nearly 13 years later?  And what does it have to do with me being old and awkward?

Well, today we met our new Sunday School class.  They're a bunch of cute kids.  But when I met them today, I was pondering how old they are.  They are all 12 turning 13 this year.  That means they were all born in 2001.

When I thought about that, I came to a terrible realization.  These kids are all the same age as the baby that was breast feeding in my story.  In fact, many of them are younger than that baby.

And that's when I felt old.  The baby in that story has remained a baby in my memory for nearly 13 years.  But then these preteens were sitting in front me and I was made very aware of the passage of time.  Then I was pondering my oldness, and this story couldn't leave my mind.  And then I felt really awkward, thinking about this story while I was in front of all our little precious 12 year olds.

And so you see, I'm awkward and old.

The Best Post of 2014

This joke never gets old.  It's the best post of 2014 because it's the only post of 2014 so far.  You get it?  It's funny because it's not that good of a post.  Hilarious.  amirite?

It's become a tradition on my blog for the first post in a new year to chronicle a few of the highlights of the previous year.  2013 was a pretty fabulous year.  Here are a few reasons why.

1. Became Scuba certified.

We totally have cards to prove it.

2. Saw a moose in the wild.  At least as wild as Park City, Utah is.  But the moose was wild, so it totally counts.

3. Voted for the Hugo award  The Hugo award is essentially the reader's choice award in science fiction and fantasy.  It's been a goal of mine for a long time to read every work that was nominated, and cast my vote.

4. Saw a whale in the wild  How wild Park City is (above) is debatable, but this was in the ocean in Alaska.  It's legit.

Robyn took this photo

5. Went on a cruise.  I had never been on a cruise before.  We went to Alaska, and it was amazing.

Remember how cute we were on the cruise?

6. Went ghost hunting
7.  Lost 65 pounds  At least that was the count before Thanksgiving.  After Thanksgiving and Christmas it was more like 60 pounds, but I did lose 65 pounds at one point in 2013.  I also gained about 5.  The good news is that the end of holiday treats has come and I'm back on the wagon.

Me in January 2013

Me in December 2013 (With a statue of a pelican)

8.  Walked 519.5 miles  That's just the walking that I tracked during my exercise.  That doesn't count just walking around the house.

9.  Lifted 5.7 million pounds.  That's the sum total of all the reps I did at the gym.

10.  Read 68 individual works (some were novellas or short stories) totaling 17,735 pages

11.  Travelled 19,994 miles.  I'm an avid Foursquare user.  This is the sum total of the distances between my check-ins.

12.  Went inside 2 new temples

Reno Nevada Temple

Seattle Washington Temple

13.  Was diagnosed diabetic, and successfully reduced my blood sugar to non diabetic levels.  For those of you who understand these numbers, I was diagnosed diabetic in January with an A1C of 10.7.  My last test was in August with an A1C of 5.7.

14.  Got approved for adoption  We've been trying to adopt for a while, but this year we completed our home study and got through the approval process.  Help us spread the word to find birth parents who are looking to place.

15.  Travelled to 2 new states  I had never been to Alaska or North Carolina before this year.  Alaska was way more awesome, but North Carolina was on a business trip so it may not be a fair comparison.

16.  Celebrated 5 years of marriage  It's hard to believe I've been with the love of my life for 5 years.  In some ways it seems like it's been longer than that, because I can hardly remember what life was like without her.  In some ways it seems like it's been shorter than that because it's gone by so quickly.

As you can see, 2013 was a good year.  The biggest changes were probably in my health, but there were plenty of other fun things as well.

In 2014 I hope to continue to improve my health.  I also hope to utilitize my Scuba certification a few times.  I plan to read lots of books, travel some more, spend time with great people and have lots and lots of fun.

Here's to a great new year!

A Clovis Christmas

This year Robyn and I spent Christmas week with her parents in Clovis, California.  It was a great week.  We had loads of fun.  We went on a few adventures, had lots of relaxation, and lots of family time.

I'm just going to warn you now, I started writing this and it got really long.  I won't be offended if you don't read all the way to the end.  Just know it was a fabulous week.  Here are a few highlights.

The Nativity
Robyn's family has a tradition of acting out the Christmas story on Christmas Eve.  Her Dad reads it from the Bible and we all get to play various characters.  We're a dramatic bunch, and I feel this picture captures some of the drama that goes into this family room production.

Teanca was an excellent angel that made everyone sore afraid.

Stollen
I don't know how to describe what stollen is.  It's German.  It's delicious.  That's all I know.  Here's a Wiki if you need to know more. Robyn took lessons from her Oma and she made us some stollen.  I told her she needs to make it every month so she doesn't forget how.

She's the cutest little stollen maker.

And look at that deliciousness.

The Interpretive Dance
Out of the entire week, there were 3 1/2 minutes that shined like a jewel as the greatest 3 1/2 minutes of the entire trip.  Robyn's Dad read "The Night Before Christmas" while Robyn and Teanca performed an interpretive dance.

It was the greatest thing ever.  Despite that, Robyn is embarrassed about it.  (She's embarrassed that no one else can even approach her awesomeness.) So I'm not sharing the video, but here is an animated gif made from some of the highlights.  Hopefully that won't embarrass her too much.

We're bikers
I wasn't doing my normal exercise routine, but we tried to get out and do something every day to exercise.  We even did some biking.  Despite the pain in the buttocks region, it was a lot of fun and after our ride I told Robyn I want to buy a bike, so we can do more at home.  She agreed and said we totally should when there is no snow at our house.  Woot!

We're totally bikers.  We biked to the John R. Wright station, named after Robyn's Dad.  It was 9.2 miles round trip.  Not a bad little ride.

Angry Birds
Have you ever played Angry Birds on your phone? Have you ever wished you could catapult birds at piggies in real life? We got a fabulous gift for Christmas. Take a look at this.

The moment we've all dreamed of is here.

The piggy death star.  Destroy it before it destroys you.

It was just as fun as it sounds.  Here's a video of us taking it on its maiden voyage.

The Zoo
We took one day and went to the zoo in Fresno.  I've loved the zoo since I was a little kid.  What can I say?  I love animals.

I FED A GIRAFFE!  I totally got to pet them as well.

Will was not nearly as excited about feeding giraffes as I was.  In his defense, their tongues were as long as his whole body.

The goat let me pet him, but when I tried to take a selfie with him he ran away.

Also, this happened.

Sometimes Teanca poses with statues.  It's how she rolls.

Woodward Park
We took a couple hours to explore Fresno's Woodward Park.  I want a ginormous park like that.  Good thing they're building a new park right by my house.

Robyn said she didn't remember a fountain being in this park, but we found one anyway.

There were these weird structures all over the park.  I assumed they were built by an ancient civilization.  Robyn said they were exercise equipment so people could do circuit training outside in the park.  I like the ancient civilization theory.

There were millions of ducks and geese.

In California, they haven't invented urinals yet.  Instead they use troughs.

Yosemite
Yosemite National Park is one of the most beautiful places on Earth.  It's only 2 hours from Clovis, so I convinced Robyn to take a day trip with me.  It was totally worth it.  We did the Mirror Lake hike this time around.

The trail was really pretty.  I loved the bits of snow and ice amid the beautiful trees.

Just looking up at the mountains.

Mirror Lake isn't much of a lake.  In the winter it's basically a stagnant river.  The word on the street is that in the spring there's much more water.  Robyn looks really cute standing in what would be the bottom of the lake at a different time of year.

It looked like a stairway to heaven.  I climbed it.  It was just a stairway to some rocks.

Sometimes I'm a tree hugger.

There's no scale in this picture but this crow was ginormous.  It followed us for a half mile because I was eating a cookie.  It reminded me of the movie "The Birds".  It would just fly and sit somewhere near us until we got more than 30 feet away and then it would fly somewhere in front of us again.  It was creepy and awesome.

Robyn is cute among ginormous trees.

I loved seeing the mountains and trees reflected in the water.

You can't go to Yosemite without taking at least one picture of half dome.

Christmas Morning
Of course, Christmas morning is always a highlight.  I think the best part of Christmas morning was that my 18 month old nephew decreed that I was his official assistant to open his presents.  I think it was because I had him help me open one of my presents.  After that, he just kept bringing me presents and I let him rip them open.

Eventually, he brought me a present that wasn't addressed to him.  I made him take it to his Dad, who it was addressed to.  That act of betrayal lost his trust, and he didn't bring me any more presents.

The Christmas tree before we opened anything.

Megan and Will frolicking in the wrapping paper.  Sometimes the paper is better than the presents.

Of course, the best thing was just being together with family. We had lots of laughs and lots of good times. That's what Christmas is all about.

Snapchatting Christmas

I've had a fabulous Christmas vacation in Clovis, California.  It's been filled with fun visits with family, adventures in nature, fun presents, Christmas traditions and delicious food.  I promise to fill you in on all the festivities in more detail later, but for now, here are some of my favorite snapchats that have transpired since my first snapchat update.

I bet you didn't know I was a timelord.

Also, my niece is the Dark Lord who crafted the one ring.

Did I mention my niece actually played nearly every character in the Hunger Games movies?

Also, I'm a Jedi.  And if the caption doesn't make any sense, I have an app on my phone where you tap it to crack an egg.  I'm getting so close to hatching that thing!

Christmas may be over, but Teanca's shiny nose will live on in our hearts.

How I became a Paparazzi

"Why would you talk to each other when you could snap chat?"

That is the wisdom of my niece.  She brings up a good point.  Who needs conversation when snap chat exists?  If last night is any indication, the answer is "no one".

If you've never heard of Snap Chat, here's all you need to know:  It's what the kids are doing these days.

Also, you might want to know that I'm young and hip, so I do stuff the kids are doing these days.  Or, if you prefer something more along the lines of the truth, my niece is young and hip and she introduced me to Snap Chat.

I know you're all young and hip, so you don't need this explanation.  But, just in case you don't know what the kids are doing these days, Snap Chat is an application on Andriod and iPhone that allows you to take pictures, add captions and send them to your friends.  Your friends can only see the picture for a specified number of seconds (10 seconds maximum).  But, if the picture is particularly awesome, you can take a screen shot and immortalize the snap.

Last night will forever be known as the great snap fest of 2013.  (It wasn't actually known as that until I gave it that name just now.)  It all started when I snapped my niece a picture of herself.  That began the era of "ninja snapping".  The objective was to take a picture of someone without them knowing, and then snap chat it to them.  This era involved people taking pictures through Christmas trees, or crawling behind couches to discreetly take a shot.

Of course, ninja snapping quickly gave way to the traditional snapping that involves funny captions and drawings.  Here were some of the best of the night.

The best snaps truly are without explanation.

Is he angry because he's writing emails?  Because he's being snapchatted?  Because he hates Christmas?  Who knows!

Robyn didn't even have Snap Chat before last night, but she was welcome the moment she downloaded the app.

Graham was trying out a new religion.

Is she human or is she dancer?

Faces of all kinds.

So you might say I'm a Snap Chat paparazzi.  I follow my family members around and take awkward photos of them that I victoriously send through Snap Chat.  It's how I roll.

But just remember, families that Snap Chat together, stay together.