Saturday, April 28, 2012

Questions That Need Answering

Sometimes in life there are questions.  Sometimes it's hard to find the answers.

Over the past couple months, every time one of those unanswerable questions has come to me, I wrote it down.  Now I have gathered them all in one place so that the good people of the internet can answer them for me.

Here goes:
  1. Why are they called red grapes when they are clearly purple?
  2. How does a razor remember to only cut hair off my face and not cut off skin as well?
  3. What if Deja Vu meant that you lost a life and restarted at the last checkpoint?
  4. What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
  5. Of all the utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with, how did two sticks win out?
  6. What is a zig-a-zig-ah and why do the spice girls want it so bad?
  7. If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
  8. When I look in the gym mirror at myself I think "that dude doesn't look happy." So why does the gym have mirrors? 
  9. When they have those restrooms that only one person fits in, why do they have a mens and womens?
  10. "Love is a battlefield." What does that even mean?
  11. Why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 while the buns come in packs of 8?
  12. Why do we cook bacon but bake cookies?
  13. Why is it that the yoke of an egg is delicious when uncooked, but if the white is uncooked I gag?
  14. Why do olives taste gross but olive oil is awesome?
  15. Why does hair grow fastest on my neck when clearly neck beards are gross?
  16. Why do they call it cupcake wars if no one ever throws cupcakes?
  17. Why is it that every person in front of me universally thinks that 30 mph is a good speed for getting on the freeway?

So, dear citizens of the internet.  I hope you can help me out by giving me some answers.  In exchange for your help I will let you look upon this awesomeness:

I googled "questions that need answering" and he came up.  The greatest question is: how did he get so awesome?  


  1. I just don't know the answers to most of the questions so I decided to try one that I might be able to research and come up with. I picked the zig-a-zig-ah and discovered there are several meanings. In the urban dictionary it says:
    1. v. To enjoy oneself
    2. v. To partake in enjoyable activities of the PG kind.
    3. v. To wear excessive amounts of makeup and platform shoes and sing about absolutely nothing.
    4. n. What Scary Spice really really wants.

    It had other meanings, too, but not all were of the PG kind. Here is the link if you really really want to know.

    1. Madre, you're a true hero. I'm glad you went on a quest for answers on my behalf.

  2. First, Jeff, I think your Mom is awesome for finding the answer to one of your questions. Second, I don't have answers for you, but I have another question to add: WHO made the box that we're supposed to think outside of?

    1. That is a good question. How do we know we should think outside of it if we don't even know who made it and what their values were?

  3. I think the fact that you don't know what "love is a battlefield" means, just proves something about your own relationship.

    Also, steve martin already asked your hot dogs and buns question. I always think of him when I'm buying them.

    1. Since I don't know what it means I'm not sure what it proves about my relationship, but I hope it proves something good.

  4. There are so many questions. What are you going to do with all those questions? Why would you ask so many questions? Where did those questions come from? What is going on here? Who are you?

    I just don't know what to do about all the questions.

    1. Nobody knows Jared, nobody knows...

  5. I'm just wondering and I wondered this when Steve got arrested for it, What kind of hot dogs are you buying that have 10 in them? Ball Park all Beef franks (truely the only franks to buy if you're going to go for ground up meet leftover bits on a bun) and the great value buns match up perfectly. Just sayin.

    1. I don't know what kind of hot dogs they were. I just remember that when I wrote that question down, I had a bag of buns in my hand as well as a package of hot dogs. I was wondering why that specific bag and package couldn't mesh with each other. But I'm glad to know the problem has been solved. I will seek those out specifically next time.

  6. I read this and I have not response.

  7. I'm sorry I can't answer any of your questions but next time I talk to you I know how we can get them all answered!!


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