The Hardest Part About Christmas

I love Christmas.  I really do.  I love every little thing about it.  I love Christmas parties.  I love ordering presents for people on Amazon.  I love feeling like I'm opening presents when I open all the Amazon boxes, even though it's all stuff for other people.  I love spending time with family.  I love eating all the little treats, even though it makes my weight loss for the year very anticlimactic.

I love reading the Christmas story from the Bible.  I love looking at the snow on a white Christmas (even though this year I'll be in California, where there is no such thing).  I love opening presents Christmas morning.  I love the look on someone's face when they are surprised by the perfect gift.

In short, I just plain love Christmas.

But there is one aspect that I don't like.

In fact, you might say I more than dislike it.  I despise this one thing.

I hate wrapping presents.  There, I said it.

It's not something I've done a lot of in my life.  When I was much younger, I would hire my sister to do the job.  She did excellent work for somewhere around 25 cents per present.  Since then things have changed, she's become a phlebotomist (it means she sucks blood for a living, similar to a vampire except that "for a living" means "for money" in her case, and not "for nutritional content").  It turns out that phlebotomists are not willing to work for 25 cents per present.  Her rates went up, and priced me out of the market.

Amazon does gift wrapping, but it's $3.50 per present.  If I wanted to pay that, I'd hire a phlebotomist.

My wife is a saint, and she takes on the responsibility of doing all the wrapping of presents that we give to other people.  But who does the wrapping of presents that I give to my wife?

That falls to me.

It turns out wrapping presents is hard.

When Robyn wraps presents there's all sorts of cutesiness.

There are snazzy things like bows, and the tag is written in some sort of cute font that is not supported by my hand.

The corners are tight, and there are no unsightly bulges.

When I wrap presents, it's a whole different ball game.  Part of the problem is that making things pretty is not exactly my forte.  I understand the whole "conceal the gift" idea, but I feel that would be much better accomplished by just wrapping it in duct tape, don't you think?

I mean, people wrap gifts and the whole thing is held together with one tiny piece of tape.  Doesn't that just shout "INSECURE!"  to you?  When I wrap something, I want it to withstand the apocalypse.  But a securely wrapped present is not socially acceptable to place under the tree.

Aside from my yearning to use too much tape, I'm pretty sure I also use too much wrapping paper.  Or maybe not.  I don't even know.  All I know is that "unsightly bulges" are a way of life for me when wrapping gifts.

And when I write on the tag, not only am I using a way outdated font, but apparently I can't even remember whose name goes where.

It's clear that the hardest part about Christmas is wrapping presents.  And the hardest part about wrapping presents is knowing that I could be outdone by a toddler.

But maybe I could afford a toddler's rates.  Does anyone know a toddler who is looking for work?  Preferably one that doesn't plan to become a phlebotomist?

The Mystery of the Emergency Button

Have you ever pondered the deeper mysteries of life?  Where did I come from?  Why am I here?  What does the fox say?

These are the mysteries that man has sought to solve since time immemorial.  Today I'd like to add another mystery to this list.  What does this button do?

To give you some context about this button, it's located at Gold's Gym in Orem, Utah.  There is a room with a swimming pool and a hot tub.  It is about 5 feet from the hot tub.  I would have given you a picture of the hot tub with the button in the background so you could see it in context, but the people in the hot tub were giving me weird enough looks when I was taking a picture of the button.  They probably would have started rioting if I took a picture of them chilling in the hot water.  (But maybe they would have considered my creepy picture taking to be an emergency.  They could have pushed the button and solved the mystery.)

So, I'm trying to figure out what exactly this button does.  How does it know the nature of your emergency?  Does it drain the pool in case of drowning?  What if it's a chocolate emergency?  Does it dispense chocolate?  Does it put up the bat signal in the sky?  Does it call the button pusher's mom?  Maybe it just says some soothing words.

If I were designing an emergency button, I think one of the first things I would have it do is notify the staff that there is an emergency.  The staff would be able to determine the nature of the emergency much better than the feeble skills of the simple button.  But the one thing that we know about this button is that it doesn't notify the staff.  They want the pusher of the button to do that manually.

The only comforting thing is that the sign doesn't say, "notify Jack Bauer if used."  That at least leaves some hope that the button notifies Jack Bauer.  If there's anyone who knows how to handle an emergency, he would be the guy.

But I ask again, what does this button do?

Naturally, we spoke with some of the staff to see what they knew about it.

"Don't push it."

"But what does it do?"

"Just don't push it, it's for emergencies only."

We went around in that circle for several minutes.  The lady was very adamant that the button was not to be pushed.  She also was very adamant that the result of pushing the button was not something that mankind was ready to know about or comprehend.

I can only assume it's some sort of Doomsday device.  If the enemies of the gym have taken control, we push the button so that the gym self destructs and the precious gym never falls into enemy hands.

Or maybe it dispenses chocolate.

What do you think the button does?  I'd love to hear some theories.

The Best Books

A friend of mine posted on Facebook asking for people to list ten books that have moved you or touched you.  I thought for a few moments, named a few books that had been important in my life, listed them and moved on.  It was no biggie, just a fun little Facebook game and a chance to share the names of a few books that I have enjoyed.

A few others shared their lists but then a stranger commented and said the following:

The Book of Mormon, The Holy Bible, The Pearl of Great Price, The Doctrine and Covenants, The Book of Mormon again. Lather, rinse, and repeat = 10. Who really needs more than the word of the Lord?

That's a valid question, I suppose.  I'm certainly an advocate of the word of the Lord, but I wholly disagreed with this person's message.

I wanted to reply.  I wanted to say something.  But, I didn't want to argue on a friend's wall, especially with a stranger.  I also wasn't sure if this person was fully serious, and I didn't want to unnecessarily cause hurt feelings.  Finally, I didn't feel like Facebook was the forum to share my thoughts.  I didn't want to be misunderstood or misconstrued due to trying to share my feelings briefly enough to be read in a Facebook post.

Luckily, it turns out that I have a forum right here where  I can share my thoughts and be as long winded as I like, in order to fully convey my feelings.

I'm sure that person will never read this, but I wanted to answer their question anyway.  It's something I want to say, not for it to be heard by that person or any person in particular, but just because I feel it needs saying.

So to answer the question, "Who really needs more than the word of the Lord?"

I do.

I guess that's the simple answer to the question, isn't it?  I could just stop there, and I would have answered it.  But I want to be clear about why that is the answer.  First, I want to be clear that in saying that I need something besides the canonized scripture, I'm certainly not disparaging scripture in any way.  I can honestly say that if I were only allowed to keep one book from my collection, it would be The Book of Mormon.  The Book of Mormon remains the book I have read cover to cover more times than any other book.  The Holy Bible, I will admit, I have only read cover to cover twice, but I have spent countless hours studying specific topics or specific sections.

I read Luke chapter 2 every Christmas Eve, so I've read it at least 32 times. (But I know the number is much higher than that.)  The story of the birth of our Savior still touches me.  I also love to read 3 Nephi chapter 1, to get the story from the perspective of the people in the Americas.  I particularly love the words of  the Savior whispered through the Holy Spirit on Christmas Eve: "Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfil all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets."

I imagine what it must have been like, for both sets of peoples as they gazed upon the star, realizing that the God they had worshiped was coming to earth to pave the way to forgiveness from sin.  That He would be a mortal man, a baby even.  I marvel at the feelings they must have felt, the emotions that must have run through them.  The stories are powerful and poignant.

I tell you all that, just so that you understand my perspective.  I love the scriptures.  I cherish the word of the Lord.  But that doesn't diminish the fact that I have a need for other stories, other words.  I have a need to learn from other mortal men and women, from their victories, from their defeats, from their thoughts, from their myths and from their tales.

The scriptures themselves even say that we should seek words of wisdom from the best books.  I challenge anyone to watch an entire session of General Conference and see if you can find one session that never quotes from literature outside of canonized scripture.  Certainly, the prophets and many men of wisdom agree that there are treasures to be found in books.

I want to share with you a few books, a few stories that have been transformational in my life.  These books may or may not touch you if you read them.  I fully expect that the books that touch you will be different in many cases.  Your personal experiences and needs are different from mine.  I'm so glad that there is a whole world of books to teach us all the things we need to know.

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis

This book did not have the most interesting story in the series.  There are other Narnia books I enjoyed more.  However, there was one scene that was so profound for me.

The boy Eustace has been turned into a dragon, which is quite inconvenient.  He wants nothing more than to be a boy again.  But he needs Aslan's help.

"The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. but the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I dont know if he said any words out loud or not. 

I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and , instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I jsut stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.

But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.
The the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke - 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it. 

The very first tear he made was do deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.

Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was Ias smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again. You'd think me simply phoney if I told you how I felt about my own arms. I know they've no muscle and are pretty mouldy compared with Caspian's, but I was so glad to see them.

After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me - (with his paws?) - Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes - the same I've got on now, as a matter of fact. and then suddenly I was back here. Which is what makes me think it must have been a dream."

Of course, Aslan is symbolic for Christ.  This scene was so profound for me because there are things we try to change about ourselves or weaknesses that we try to overcome.  We try and try and try to do it on our own, but we just cant.  Then we give it to Christ, and He changes us.  Sometimes it really hurts, but it's only through Him that it's possible to achieve what we really desire.


Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

The first time I read this book I was a scrawny little kid.  I had felt what it's like to be bullied by people bigger than me.  The idea of a kid who overcomes beings more powerful than him through his smarts was so appealing to me.  It was such an empowering story.

Then I read it again, years and years later, after I had gone through a period where I was no longer the little kid.  I went through a period where I took advantage of the fact that I was bigger than other people.  I became a bully.  Reading this book as an adult and looking back on those times makes me realize how powerful this book really is.  When I read it as a child, I glossed over the parts where Ender was terrified of becoming like his cruel brother.  I ignored his sorrow at having harmed others even if it was only to protect himself.  I felt his empathy and his sorrow for the harm that he committed.

The underlying theme of the importance of empathy for others, even when those others seek to harm you, is incredibly profound.

His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr.

I read this book on my honeymoon.  I had just entered a new phase of my life, and I wanted to be armed with the information I needed.  This book explained that my wife's needs are different from mine.  Having that information articulated for me has been foundational to helping me build a healthy relationship.

Your First Year With Diabetes: What to do Month by Month by Theresa Garnero

After being diagnosed with diabetes, I was terrified.  I had no idea what the next step was.  This book was the perfect comfort.  It started out with something I could read every day.  It was perfect for me.  Each day I would read the new information and just work on that.  At first it was things like, "stop smoking."  It was sure nice to know I was already doing some things right by not smoking.  It added things like, "eat more vegetables", but eventually got more complex, explaining blood sugar, what insulin is, how the pancreas works and various other things.

After a while, I just finished the book rather than delaying it with the month by month information, figuring I was ready to digest everything it had to offer.  I'm actually still in my first year but I've lost 65 pounds and dropped my A1C to 5.6.  This book really helped hold my hand along the way, especially in the beginning when I needed to be spoon fed and take baby steps.

The Foundation by Isaac Asimov

There wasn't anything in particular about this book that moved me or changed me, other than the fact that it was the book that truly started my hunger for reading.  I read this book and then devoured everything written by Isaac Asimov, and branched out from there to other authors.  So, this book made me a voracious reader, and that has changed me more than anything.

The Good Samaritan
I know what you're thinking, "Jeff, this is a Bible story.  I thought you were going to share books besides scripture."  Yes, you're right.  This is a story that comes from Scripture.  It's a good story too.  A story about how we should love our neighbor.  But there's more to the story that isn't in the Bible.  When Jesus asks, which of the three was neighbor unto the man that fell among thieves?  The answer is, of course, the Samaritan, the man that showed mercy.

But why did Jesus use a Samaritan as the merciful individual?  This story actually has undertones of being a lesson about racism.  The Jews hated Samaritans.  They were mud bloods. (Hat tip to the Harry Potter books for giving us the perfect term to describe how the Jews felt about Samaritans.)  Jesus was trying to teach that it's not one's station or race that makes you a neighbor, it's how you treat other human beings.

Do you know where I learned about the relationship between the Jews and the Samaritans?  I can't even remember what book it was in, (thus why I put "The Good Samaritan" as the heading) but it was an essay by Isaac Asimov that I read when I was 13 years old.  Of course, I've studied ancient cultures much more in depth since then, but my first exposure came from an essay written by an atheist.   And, though I've learned that lesson a number of times in different books, and I've delved deeper in scripture study guides and other aides, I will always be grateful to Asimov for teaching me the importance of understanding the deeper context.

I guess the message I'm trying to convey is that I truly love books.  I see value in reading and learning out of any great literature.  I'm not saying we shouldn't study the scriptures, but I am definitely saying that we should study out of all the great books of the world, and glean truth from anywhere that we can find it.

I'm saying that there are much more than 10 books that have moved me or touched me.  I'm saying that I need much more than just the scriptures, and I'm completely okay with that.

Birthday Weekend and a Certification

I'm Scuba certified!

I don't have any cool pictures to show you from the actual dive.  My underwater camera is only good to 30 feet.  I thought that was plenty when I bought it, because I was planning to use it for snorkeling, and I was confident that I would never free dive to 30 feet while snorkeling.

For our final dive, we just had a few more things to pass off.  We had to simulate an emergency ascent from 20 feet (You pretend you're out of air and ascend to the top while exhaling the whole way, so that your lungs don't explode.)  We also had to take off our mask and put it back on at 20 feet.

Then he let us have about 25 minutes to dive doing whatever we want.  He said that was our final exam.  He was watching us and he told us the biggest thing he's watching is to make sure that we're aware of our buddy and things like how much air our buddy has left.

Robyn and I explored all of the fun things that are down in the depths at the Crater.  There is a wagon wheel at about 35 feet.  There's a ring you can swim through around 40 feet.

Our certification allows us to go to 60 feet, but when our instructor signaled that our time was up, Robyn and I had only worked our way down to 48 feet.  So that's the deepest I've ever been.

But it was soooo cool!  I'm so excited to do some real dives!  We told our instructor that we're going to the Caribbean next summer, but we want to do some local dives with him first.  He said he's doing a trip to Sand Hollow reservoir in a few months.  Maybe by then I'll have a camera that can go diving.

Anyway, since Robyn's birthday was last week, we decided to have a little romantic getaway at the Homestead Resort (where the Crater is located) to celebrate.  Basically, we'll use anything as an excuse to take a trip.

So here are a few of the highlights of our short little getaway.

It was pretty darn cold, but I got Robyn to bundle up and go exploring with me in the snow.  (That's how much she loves me.)  Isn't she so cute all bundled up?

These were the lights on the front porch of our suite.  It thought the icicles were epic.  Part of me wanted to break them off and pretend they were swords.  But the part that wanted to leave them and let them grow prevailed.

There is a little Mexican place in Midway that I love.  We tried to go there for dinner, but I guess in small towns restaurants just close when their owners need a vacation.

Everything was totally frozen except for this little duck pond.  I'm pretty sure it had to be heated because there was no ice in it at all and there was steam rising from it.  It was like a little duck spa.

Hidden under the snow lurked an evil that never sleeps.  That's right, there was a golf course.

These little ice tepees had little fountains on top of them spraying a fine mist so that over time it formed this coolness.  

This is what Robyn does on vacation.  It was super fun to get cozy next to the fire after being outside in the cold.

It was a pretty fabulous weekend.  Robyn's birthday and Scuba certification worked together well to give us a solid excuse to have a getaway.  It will be a long time before we take another trip.  It's nearly a full 2 weeks before we fly to California for Christmas.

Weight Loss: It's Not a Race

I like data.  I like anything I can measure in numbers.  I like graphs and charts and statistics and percentages.  That's why I've been measuring everything about myself as I've been losing weight.

At the end of every month, I weigh myself, and measure my belly, arms, legs, neck, you name it.

It's fun when those measurements have drastic changes.  I had one month where I lost 2 inches off my belly.  I had one month where I lost 10 pounds.  I had one month where my body fat percentage dropped 3.8 points.

Then I have also had months like November.  My weight loss in the month of November was 0.4 pounds.

Did it have something to do with this?

Ya, probably.

Or this?

Most definitely.

While I did do lots of exercise over the month of November, I also allowed myself to splurge much more than normal.

The result was that I basically didn't lose any weight in November.

On the last day of every month, I look forward to seeing my numbers, and looking over my (geeky) little spread sheet.  But when I saw that particular number I was discouraged.

Robyn, in an attempt to cheer me up said, "At least you didn't gain any weight over Thanksgiving."  She's of course, correct.  Many people gain weight over the holidays.  So far, I've just managed to maintain over the holidays.

But then I got to thinking about it more.  There's a show I watch called extreme weight loss.  In it, Chris Powell helps morbidly obese people transform their lives over the course of one year.  Many of them lose 200+ pounds in a year.  There was one particular episode that inspired me.  This particular individual had a severe food addiction.  He could not bring himself to follow the meal plan.  He worked out really hard, but he also wouldn't stop going out for fast food.

The goal Chris had set for him was to lose something like 75 pounds in 3 months.  At the end of the 3 month period, he had lost about 30 pounds.  Chris was furious.  He was so disappointed that this guy had not lived up to his full potential.

But when I watched that I saw something completely different.  I didn't see failure.  I saw someone who could succeed without being perfect.  That unintentional message may have changed my life forever.

I may have lost very little weight in November, but let me tell you about a few other numbers.

In November my biceps increased by 1/4 inch.  (For a while they were decreasing because I had so much fat on my arms.  The fat has finally moved out of the way so that muscle can increase it.)

In November, I worked up to the point where I do 80 pushups every morning.

In November, I set a new record of being able to climb 2700 feet in under 2 hours.

In November, the highest I ever saw my blood sugar was 123.

Looking at those numbers I realized that perhaps weight was never the best measure in the first place.  But, more importantly, I realized that it's okay to indulge on occasion.  It's okay to not be perfect.  And it's okay if sometimes progress is slower than others.

As with many things, it's not a race.  It doesn't matter how fast you get there.  It matters what direction you're going.

Thanksgiving Photo Dump

I had a fabulous Thanksgiving weekend.  I sat down to write about it and realized I didn't have one particular story to share, so I thought I would just give you a few photos of the festivities I participated in.

Some of Robyn's cousins were in town so we had a get together with them Wednesday night.  Some I had met before and others I hadn't, but it was lots of fun to spend time with all of them.

Since I've lost weight, I'm not as warm as I used to be.  I've found that my feet, in particular, get cold.  Thursday morning I was just sitting with my feet in the bath tub reading my Kindle.  Robyn thought it was amusing and snapped this pic.

This is me swinging on the swing in my Grandma's front yard.  Robyn was convinced I would break it, but I totally didn't.  I'm totally skinny enough to swing on a swing.

We went on a short walk/hike near my Grandma's house after Thanksgiving dinner.  Naturally, we took a selfie.

Just a view of the mountain on our walk.  The street where we were standing used to be wilderness when I went to Grandma's house as a child.

This is my cousin Jewell.  She's a crane.  That's what happens at Thanksgiving dinner.

When Jewell (The crane from above), was 4 years old, I mentioned that I though kisses were gross. (I've since changed my view on that.)  She insisted quite vehemently that, "Kisses are soft, okay?"  I made this with magnets on Grandma's fridge, to remind us all of that occasion many moons ago.

Robyn made a pumpkin pie from scratch! She roasted a pumpkin and everything.  That's how she rolls.

This was the entire crew gathered at my Grandma's house.  

This was my Thanksgiving dinner.  I know you were dying to know exactly what I ate.

It was a fabulous Thanksgiving.  What was your favorite part about the weekend?