Monday, September 16, 2013

Sometimes I Get Robbed

Friday night, I mowed the lawn.  That was my first mistake.

My wife might disagree.  She may say that leaving the garage door open was the mistake. She's entitled to her opinion.  I say, it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't mowed the lawn.

Like I said, I mowed the lawn.  As you may have inferred, after I mowed the lawn, I failed to close the garage.

Another fun fact is that I also didn't lock my car.

The next morning Robyn and I got into the car and noticed a few strange things.

1.  Both the driver's side and passenger side doors were not shut tightly.
2.  Our glove compartment, and all other compartments were open.
3.  Random items that had no value but had been in compartments, such as Lifesavers and a water bottle were sitting on the seat.

When we first got in the car, Robyn asked, "Why did you put all this stuff on my seat?"

My response was, "I didn't.  Why did you open all the compartments?"

It turns out, she didn't do that either.

As we looked closer, we realized there were some things missing from the compartments.  Most notably, we had an old GPS device that hadn't been used since the purchase of our iPhones.  We also noticed that our car registration was missing from the glove compartment.

We then checked the trunk and noticed that our 72-hour-kit was missing.  It was just in a backpack, so they probably grabbed it without even looking inside.

So there you have it, someone wandered into our open garage, opened up our car and stole an outdated GPS, a piece of paper and some expired food.

When we talked to the cops, the biggest thing I was worried about was some form of identity theft with our car registration.  They assured us that our registration doesn't give them any information that they could use against us.  They hypothesized that the registration is some sort of trophy that they grab whenever they rob stuff from a car.

I can just picture the cute little teenagers perusing their "trophies".  They look at ours and reminisce.  "Jeff and Robyn, these people were great.  They had that GPS that I sold for 25 dollars on ebay.  They also had that great backpack.  Too bad it was full of food that was so old that it made me sick.  I sure loved that roll of toilet paper.  It was definitely worth risking getting arrested for that."

This is what I imagine the precious teenager will look like in a few years.

So, to that special teenager (I only assume it was a teenager because that was the cop's belief) I have one little message:

Dude, really?  Was it really worth it?  If you needed food, you could have knocked on my door.  I would have given you non-expired stuff.  If you needed toilet paper, we have plenty of that.  If you needed outdated electronics, I've got boxes full of junk my wife would love to get rid of.   If you wanted a piece of paper with my name, I'll give you an autograph free of charge.  I'm even willing to give you an autographed picture.  (I'm always good to my fans.)

But, hey, thanks for reminding me that we need fresher food in our 72 hour kit.  You may have made us feel icky and creeped out, but at least you helped us out there.   You can have the expired stuff.  When we're in an emergency, I'll have you to thank that the food bars are not made of iron.


  1. Way to see the beauty through the haze, Jeff. And thank goodness your future food rations will be edible now. You're a great example of one who has an attitude of gratitude.

  2. I was not the teenager that robbed you but could I still get an autographed picture of you?

    1. Absolutely! We need to get together sometime. Next time we do, I'll totally give you one.


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