Saturday, June 26, 2010

Why Isn't My Wife Bionic?

Yesterday, Robyn had Lasik surgery.  If you are unfamiliar with the procedure, what they actually do is they cut a flap of your eye and then fold that flap out of the way while a laser cuts off little bits of your cornea.  The intent is to reshape the cornea so that it will better focus light on the retina.  When this is achieved vision improves.  The whole concept is really quite miraculous.  They can actually restore a person's vision.  Robyn has already noticed that her vision is better than what it was before even when she was wearing her glasses.

There is only one problem with this whole process.  It sounds really gross.  I'm very glad that I was born with excellent vision because I'm not sure I could go through with it.  You actually lay there wide awake while they prop open your eyelids and cut away a flap of your eye.  I admire Robyn for going through with it.  The only way my mind can cope with the fact that they cut open her eye is to pretend that her eye is just some sort of mechanical device that needed an upgrade.  I have no problem imagining them just doing a routine upgrade on some optical equipment.  But if that's all they are doing, I think we should have splurged to get some fancier equipment.  I mean it's really cool that she can see, but wouldn't it be cool if she could shoot lasers out of her eyes like Superman?  I mean if they couldn't do destructive lasers they could have at least given her a laser pointer like Locutus of Borg.

They could have given her X-Ray vision or the ability to see infrared.  Maybe night vision or even just having her eyes glow at night.

Do you remember after Spiderman was bitten by the radioactive spider?  The next morning he woke up and noticed his vision had been corrected. (By the way, that's a way easier strategy than having your eye cut open.  I'll take radioactive spider over surgery any day.)  He tried putting his glasses on and noticed that now his glasses made his vision worse.  Robyn had a similar experience.  She put on her glasses and noticed that now that her vision is normal her glasses make her see funky.  So with Spiderman that was the extent of the improvement to his eyes, he didn't get laser eyes or X-Ray vision but at least he got other cool powers like spidey sense and the ability to fling webs.  Robyn got no additional powers.

There is one additional thing Robyn got.  Since they wanted her eyes to be protected, they gave her some super cool glasses to wear while she's sleeping so that nothing accidentally touches her eyes.

I'm pretty sure that looking that awesome is a super power.

15 comments:

  1. I would agree that they could have implemented some sort of power. However, I would be carefull what I wished for because if by some small chance you made her upset. She could shoot you with laser or doing something to you. I think with that awesome look she has that you need to make her a fancy suit to go with it as well.

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  2. Ya know, I think I'd take surgery over a radioactive spider. Otherwise I wouldn't get a pair of those sweet glasses!

    Glad it went well! Can't wait to see the new Robyn!

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  3. Thanks my love. I am sorry that I am not as cool as Superman or Spiderman, but I could become a super wife now that I can see better. Let's just hope everything at the eye doctors today tells us lots of good things about how my vision will continue to get better.

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  4. lol, your blogs always make me laugh. I am not so sure Robyn would be the type who wanted/needed glowing eyes, or eyes that shot out lasers..as cool as that would be. And I, too, would take the radioactive spider as much as I hate them over lasik. We saw a video of someone getting lasik on halloween last year...it was quite disgusting! However, those glasses do look really cool on Roby!

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  5. Did you guys decide to do Lasik because of my wife getting it done this last week, or was it already in the works?

    Emily would agree with you about the procedure being so weird. All you ever hear about is how easy and quick it is. It certainly was quick, but Emily was surprised by how anxious she was about it. It wasn't painful at all, just nerve-wracking I guess. Funny enough, the doctor said some people say they'd rather have Lasik than go to the dentist. Emily would much rather go to the dentist! (It is her brother though).

    Emily was worried for a day or two after about doing something to damage her eye, which was stressful for her. But her vision is at least 20/20 and could actually be 20/15 now (it did take a day or two for the vision to keep improving). In retrospect she would totally do it again.

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  6. By the way, I do miss having Emily be so dependent on me to see things for her. It was nice to know she needed my super power of normal sight. :)

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  7. Maybe you should bring up your concerns about laser beam vision at the follow-up appointment today, Jeff. :) They might be able to doing something for her.

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  8. She looks the same but for bionic eyes. She lost the real ones in the robot wars.

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  9. I'm convinced that there's nowhere she can hide when you want to make her your robot bride. Though I'm glad her vision is better.

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  10. Mike, she's been planning it for quite a while. This week was basically the soonest she could do it where she wasn't in school or at girl's camp.

    Zack and Jared, It's gonna be the future soon. I won't always be this way. When everything that makes me weak and strange gets engineered away.

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  11. welcome to the lasic club, robyn! If I could, I would do it all over again (mainly because I need to. my vision is now slipping and I'm back to wearing glasses)... enjoy it while it lasts!

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  12. Jeffrey Theodore- I love reading your blog. You should get paid for such awesomeness!

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  13. I always loved the borg episodes.

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  14. LASIK is transformative. It changes your life by giving you vision far superior to what you may have had previously. They have speedy results and more effective than surgery.
    Thanks for sharing your experience here.
    spine laser surgery

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  15. I think Robyn has always had super powers, she just maneuvers them so well that you can't tell she is using them. Think about it!!

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