The Handy Wife and the Garden

My wife is very handy.

Anyone that knows me knows that handy is not a word that describes me at all.  So it's good that at least one of us can be described that way.

Robyn's latest project is a very important one, because it will turn into food in the future.

Remember when the coverings on our grow boxes blew away?  Well, the grow boxes were phase one.  The final phase is a fancy schmancy greenhouse type structure.

Lest you think I didn't participate, I was a big helper.  I drove all the way to Lowe's and helped pick out seeds.  Don't they look delicious?

I also documented the whole process.  Somebody's gotta do it.

Robyn had to hand cut the PVC to build her structures.

She had to screw them in to the sides of the grow boxes

She looks like she's going pole vaulting, but she's just being a good little builder.

Aren't they fabulous little covered wagons?

The little ropes divide up where the different plants go.

Her Dad came in and helped with the planting round.

In our old house, we planted in May and then it snowed the next day.  This greenhouse strategy protects against that problem.  If there is snow or even just frost, it won't hurt our little babies.  Then later in the summer, we just take the plastic off.

She cut holes in the plastic to help the wind pass through.

Look at our cute little plants.

Are you totally impressed with my wife?  I know I am.  If you want to be more impressed, come on over in a couple months and eat some delicious vegetables with us.

The Day the Wind Blew My Clothes Off

It would appear that both Robyn and I should stay indoors when the wind is blowing.  Because, try as we might, we are unable to stay fully clothed if the wind gets strong enough.

The above title may not be 100% accurate.  The wind didn't actually blow my clothes off.  But the wind was blowing, and as an indirect result, I lacked clothes.  So I felt it was close enough that you wouldn't begrudge me the use of the sensationalist title.  Plus, I thought it would be a good sequel to my post from last year about when the wind blew my wife's clothes off.

To set the stage for this story, you first need to understand that I have no bum.  I sat down to write this post Sunday evening, and I realized my bumlessness was an important factoid you needed to understand, so I wrote that post instead.

Also, with my recent lifestyle change where I'm trying to be more healthy, one of the things I've been doing is walking on the treadmill each morning before work.  We have a TV in front of the treadmill and I can watch various forms of amusement while I exercise.  Right next to the TV is a window that happens to look directly into my neighbor's backyard.

Okay, so here's the story.

The other morning, there was some crazy wind.  I was walking on my treadmill, minding my own business, when I saw something very large blow into my neighbor's backyard.  My first thought was, "Wow, somebody lost something big."  My second thought was, "Wait, that is ours.  We lost something big."

We recently put together some grow boxes so we could have a garden in our back yard.  We put in fresh mulch and put some big cardboard pieces on top to help keep the soil from drying out.

Those large cardboard pieces had decided to vacate our yard and visit our neighbors.

Naturally, I ran outside in hopes of capturing them before they went too far.

Our neighbors had the excellent foresight to have some big bushes in their backyard.  These bushes captured these cardboard sheets so that I could retrieve them.  I grabbed the sheets and did my best to make my way back to my own yard.

Did I mention it was windy?  Did I mention the cardboard sheets were large?  I've never felt like the wind could blow me away until this moment.

I'm a sailor.  I sail.

It turns out the principles behind sailing apply whether you're in a boat, or just standing there.  The best I could do was plant my feet and not move.  I was successfully not blowing away, but I realized I probably couldn't just stand there and wait for the wind to stop.

I devised a strategy to turn my body around so that the sail would be blowing into me instead of trying to carry me away.  I was able to get turned around, and my strategy worked.  There was still a lot of wind resistance, and movement wasn't exactly easy, but at least I could walk.

Now is the time when you need to remember that I have no bum.  The shorts I wear on the treadmill are the same ones I wear to bed.  They are intentionally loose fitting for maximum comfort.  But since I am more bumless than I was a few months ago, they are especially loose fitting.  (I've taken to hiking them up over my belly while on the treadmill.  I'm sure it's a fantastic sight.)

As I started walking, while simultaneously being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, I suddenly realized something that was very disheartening.  My shorts were around my ankles.

By this time I had made my way to my own front yard, which is an excellent place to be standing with your pants around your ankles while fighting the wind to keep yourself vertical.  The other issue was that my hands were somewhat occupied holding onto the cardboard sheet.

I did my best to pull my shorts back up without letting go of the cardboard or blowing away myself.  I slowly waddled my way to the back yard where I restored the cardboard to its home.

If I'd have thought of the rocks beforehand, I could have remained fully clothed.

More Baby Steps

A while back I wrote about some of the baby steps Robyn and I had taken. (Small steps, or steps toward a baby, depending on how you choose to interpret.)  I wanted to give you a little update on some of those steps.

First, the butterflies all survived to adulthood.  We released them into the world.  Much like human children, however, we did have one that would not leave.  He was thinking, "In here you feed me, out there I have to get my own food."  Eventually we just took the orange slice he was sitting on and set it outside.  I hope we don't have to do something similar when we have our own children.  Do we just set the kitchen table outside and hope they eventually go away?

Second, the garden was a phenomenal success.  We raised millions of tomatoes, lots of corn, cilantro, rosemary, pumpkins and even watermelon.  Whenever my mom asked me about when she was getting grandchildren I told her she was welcome to come babysit the watermelons.  They weighed as much as babies and you could totally hold them and rock them if you like. 

Here is a picture of Robyn giving the watermelon a bath.  But that is where we have to stop the baby metaphor because after this we ate the watermelon.  While some species do eat their young, it's just a little to creepy to think about.

Third, Jared is not dead.  Even though in this picture he is walking somewhat zombie like.  Remember that undead is not dead so it totally counts.

So, as you can see we've become quite the experts at keeping other organisms alive.  Does this mean we're ready for human organisms?  Well, I don't know when human organisms will come along, but I do know that when they do I reserve the right to behave exactly as the fathers in this video do.

Baby Steps

As most of you know, Robyn and I have not yet replicated ourselves in the form of a small child.  I feel that making people is a large responsibility.  I felt that we should take baby steps.  (This can be interpreted as small steps like a baby takes, or as steps towards a baby.  Because of my kindness I will allow you to choose which way you take it.)  My first idea was that we should get a puppy.  If the dog lives, there's a good chance a human could survive with us.  Robyn didn't like the puppy idea.  She says they breathe funny.  (I suppose because they pant.  But I think there are plenty of things that breathe more funny than dogs.  Fish, for example, or lobsters, or crocodiles, with their noses just barely sticking out of the water.  What about  mermaids, they don't have gills but still breathe underwater, what is that about?)

So we've come up with some excellent baby steps.  First of all, we've planted a garden.  We weed it, we dig about it, we dung it.  What more could we have done for our garden?  The garden is surviving quite well.  We have such glorious things as cilantro and corn (pictured below) as well as squash, pumpkins, tomatoes, basil, watermelon and other glorious things.

After finding some success with our garden. We decided to expand our horizons. Since Robyn doesn't like mammals, we decided that insects were the way to go. These are our little guys.

When they grow up they will be painted lady butterflies. They've survived so far. If they survive to adulthood I think that will be pretty good evidence that a human could survive with us.

But the most important baby step is kind of a big deal. We've been trying to keep an actual human alive. Of course, we haven't fully adopted him, but we invite Jared William over for frequent dinner appointments. The picture below is of him when he was a child. It is designed to fool you into thinking that we are caring for a child rather than inviting an adult over for dinner. Please be fooled.

P.S. Isn't he precious?