Totally Not a Criminal

As you may or may not know, Robyn and I are trying to adopt.

We initially completed all the paperwork and completed the hoop jumping process in January a few years ago.  That means that every January we get to jump through hoops again to renew the certification so that we are still qualified to adopt if the opportunity presents itself.

One of the things we have to do is get a criminal background check.

The process isn't all that difficult, but they do their best to make sure you feel like a criminal in the process.

First, the building you go to is called the Bureau of Criminal Identification.  Do you know what I think of when I imagine criminal identification?  I think of those lineups where they pick the criminal out  of a line of random people.  I've always wondered who all the other people are in that lineup.  I'm pretty sure it's people who are trying to adopt who walked into the Bureau of Criminal Identification  and wandered into the wrong room.

Luckily, I didn't end up in a lineup.

We got there and they had us fill out a bunch of paperwork.  They took our fingerprints and then we ended up in prison.

Okay, not really.  But it was kind of like prison.  After they took our fingerprints they told us the computers were down and they had no idea when they would be back up.   They had a waiting area where they said we could wait if we desired.  We were trapped there for an undisclosed amount of time.  It was probably worse than prison.

I went and sat down and looked around the room.  There were only a couple other people there, but I was thinking to myself, "I wonder what they're in for."  In my mind, they're either trying to adopt or they are violent criminals.  (Don't even try to convince me there are other reasons for being there.)

In the end, my prison sentence was only about 15 minutes.  They called our names and told us the computers were back up.  I'm pretty sure the computer was never down, they just wanted to make it seem like we'd be there forever to make it feel more like prison.  So it was still prison-like, but it was more like a minimum security prison.  (The DMV is like a maximum security prison.)

And the best news?  I'm not even a criminal!

Aren't you so proud?