Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Open Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,
Or do you prefer Mommy? Mom?  Mamacita?  Is it okay if I call you Big Mama?

Dear Big Mama,

I have a bone to pick with you.  This whole inversion thing has gone a bit too far, don't you think?  I'll be the first to admit that there have been some pretty sunsets, and I have enjoyed them as much as the next guy.  But, the other day I looked directly at the sun and I thought it was the moon.  Do you know what the sun is supposed to look like?  Nothing!  It's supposed to be blinding.  You look at it and you see nothing for the next 5 minutes.  I literally thought it was the moon, that is so inappropriate.

And what's with this ridiculous cold?  The other day, I checked the weather app on my phone and it was -8 degrees.
It is not supposed to be -8 while the sun is shining.  Do I look like I'm in North Dakota?  At 9:30 in the morning (when I took the above screenshot), it might be appropriate to be 8 degrees.  But do you understand that removing that little negative sign is a difference of 16 degrees?  In case you don't understand what 16 degrees means, that is the difference between 80 degrees, which my wife describes as "getting a little cold" (I'm not kidding) and 64 degrees, which my wife describes as "freezing".  (I've tried to convince her that there is actually a temperature that literally freezes water, and that temperature is half of 64, but there is no persuading her on this issue.)

Do you understand that this ridiculous cold violates our agreement?  Remember how I agreed to wear flip flops all winter long when you promised that I would not have to worry about losing my toes?  My cute little toesies have been a little uncomfortable these past couple weeks.
I have kept my half of the agreement.
Lastly, the air has been a little stinky.  Could you please remove the inversion with all of its yucky air business?

I appreciate your understanding on this issue.

Love,
Jeff

3 comments:

  1. Big Mama has been a little better to me... The air at my house is not stinky, the skies are clear, and the sun is blinding. It is still very VERY cold, which I'm not a fan of. I hope she listens to you and makes a change in the negative sign.

    (And I'm with Robyn, 64 degrees might not freeze water, but it will freeze me.)

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  2. Jimmy Kimmel showed what Californians think of the weather http://youtu.be/_6t-EjrtD3U You can see why Robyn would think that having lived most of her life in California. I am with you on getting rid of inversions. That means inside recess and the kids are going a little crazy.

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